Time Flies....

My daughter was telling me about a story she heard in Seminary Class (or was it English class??). Apparently someone had done a study on Nuns and dementia. They specifically wanted to learn what affect journal writing had on these ladies. Turns out the ones who religiously wrote in their journals daily had a better mental capacity as they aged then the ones who skipped out on this chore. Most profoundly there was one nun who actually developed Alzheimer's disease, but because she kept her brain active, the brain developed alternate pathways to circumvent the diseased section. All this was learned after her death and autopsy. She appeared to all who observed her in life to lead a normal nun's life - the disease was not apparent. Here - found a link with information.
Interesting.
A motivating reason to be writing daily.
I found the Exploration activity quite invigorating -though short lived. I feel like I made some real positive changes in my life in the right direction, in spite of the challenges I faced.
I am now experiencing some new challenges which journal therapy might help me through again. I think I'll probably stream of conscience write for a little while until I hit upon the format to work with. I really liked the "reporting" I did in the Exploration set.
Let's start with an update.
Surgery this summer was somewhat dramatic. I went in the week after school ended. Had surgery, seemed to get through it ok when - wham, hit with a massive infection. Apparently the diabetes was uncontrolled so my body wasn't fighting the infection - no fever, no high white blood count.... so at first we didn't realize how bad off I was. But 2 emergency room visits and I was back in the hospital on IV antibiotics for 5 days. I endured a rather painful proceedure to drain the infection, but in the end all went well. I was on bedrest and light activity for the entire summer. Got a lot of reading done, finished the tatted snowflakes I was making for my Christmas cards, some other needlework projects - was actually kind of nice, but I didn't get away which I like to do during my vacation. Oh well....
I was cleared by the doctor the day before school started..... so much for my vacation.

This is now a challenging school year. More kids, More kids with issues (ADHD, English language learners, home issues affecting school, etc....) This is a really stressful class!
I find I am "shutting down." There are times I just freeze up and can't do anything productive. (Fortunately, not at school). I get to the end of my day and can't focus on what I need to do to prepare. I get home and can't figure out what to do next. I have simple items I need to do that I put off for no good reason. I feel overwhelmed.
This has happened before, and I find the best way out of it is to make a to do list and just work my way out of it. And give myself doses of rest.
Today I took care of a couple of those simple things that had been sitting in the que that I have avoided doing for no apparent reason. It felt good to get those off my plate.
I looked at the calendar and realize I have some holiday time coming up that will be days off of school, that should help too. I have taken some of my to do items and moved them to vacation or after holiday time because they do not have an immediate deadline.
My biggest problem is I generate a pretty large "I want to do" list where my "Have to do" list really is suppose to get priority. But if I don't do some of the want to do stuff, I will fall back into the zombie stage I was in before.
I wonder if some of my want to do stuff is compulsive behavior?
There has been a number of articles and references lately to hording as addictive behavior. I am a horder, though I have been getting much better. I am cleaning out closets and giving stuff away. I am looking at some of the stuff I bought for my classroom and practically assesing whether I will actually use them or not.
But when I want to do a project, sometimes I am quite compulsive about it. I get whims and fancies and buy up supplies, equipment and materials to do it -- but don't have the time.
I treat some things like a new obsessive hobby, when it really is only a whim.
Sometimes though I think I hold myself back. I don't make time or effort to do things -- maybe I'm afraid of failure or strangly afraid of accomplishment. Why would I do that?
Sometimes there are things I know I can do, but I won't do them because I feel like people will judge me or not appreciate me. But sometimes these are things that aren't being done for others - so why would I care? But I do... why? Why can't I just do them for the satisfaction of doing them for me?
But other times, I do just fine. I do things for my enjoyment and I do things as gifts for others that are appreciated. I guess it is a process. I think I'm getting better. I think I have emotional needs that are not being met, but I'm working around them.
I am a survivor. I know I am good at that.
Journal therapy begins again...