Wow - this has been a rollercoaster year.
I started this blog with the hope of opening up my creative side - and surprisingly, it worked.
Reflection -
I do feel like I have grown this year. I didn't finish the exploration nor journal destruction project, but I got moving in the right direction. I began the year feeling I was uncreative, or at least very stifled. I now recognize that creativity exists in each and every one of us. It just needs a venue to be expressed. It is ok to experiment with venues, it is ok to mimic others in the learning process. It's ok to try something new. It's ok to mess up as long as you don't quit trying. It's ok to decide, after trying, that a certain venue is not for you.
I found many wonderful people who were willing to share their creative spark in my journey.
The physical side of me was challenged this year. First the knee injury, then the discovery that I had diabetes. Physical Therapy side lined me for a little while, but got me moving in a better direction (no pun intented - helped me avoid surgery). Just as I completed the diabetes training and was getting that situation under control (weight loss and exercise - I was able to avoid medications), I was slammed again with the "C" word at my annual check up (supposed to be annual - I confess, it had been awhile). Biopsy and anxious waiting took me through my father's illness and death, to finally learn that the cells were benign. I did have a surgical proceedure designed to clean me up a bit - forced me to take a couple weeks off school in the process, but there are no immediate threats to my life now. I will be having another surgery this summer, but no imenent dangers or worries right now. Oh yeah - in the spirit of following up on long neglected health issues - I have an endocrinologist looking at my thyroid again. He is of the same opinion as the other - time to swallow the radioactive idodine and to onto perpetual medication. I'm not looking forward to this, but don't feel it is something I can put off any more.
The emotional me hit some difficult times, as you can imagine. My father's death was conflicting for me. There are unresolved issues, issues that can never be resolved no matter if he survived - but we were able to visit him one last time in a positive way. I don't think I got to grieve properly because I had concurrent health concerns of my own distracting me. I do occasionally break down in tears (like right now as I write this), but I suppose it is normal and will subside in time. My stepfather's death doesn't cause me to cry any more (at least not in quite a long time).
There were some big positives for this year - I began some serious weight loss, I got to travel to Europe with my daughter, we had a terrific end of the year Christmas get together with my family - and all my children were able to be there (2 surprising me in the process). I end the year energized, eager to work on some new projects, making more changes in a forward direction.
Where I had started the year feeling sluggish and bored, I now feel eager and bursting with ideas. I'm surprised by how one's emotional state can affect one's physical energy level.
My first project for the year - setting up my workroom. Actually, I've already started, so maybe it's the last project of the year.
I'm no longer waiting for my sons to move out (one keeps coming back), I've rented a storage space and am making room for me. With my son's help I put up one of the first wall cabinets today. I have two more to go. I have a work table set up and my sewing machine plugged in. I need to organize it (and finish getting Nick moved out), but it is happening.
How come the process of organizing is messier than the original mess was???
I really don't want to go back to work next week, I've got too much I want to get done! How long till I can retire?
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Happy New (school) Year
A lot has happened since May.
I'm not posting my weight, not because it hasn't changed, but rather because it is making dramatic changes and I want to surprise family at holiday time. (more explaination below)
I've tested out a couple different venues, and am beginning to find my own path (though I'm keeping an open mind on possibilities).
My foray into administration was not successful, and I discover that I am not really ambitious to pursue that road anyway. So I'm still in the classroom this year - so far I'm slated to teach a 1/2 combination, but we will see what happens the first day of school. Kids are still enrolling.
I have not yet stepped into the theater relm, though we are going to see more productions now. I was kind of waiting to see where I landed for this school year before getting involved with any particular production group. I'm keeping that option open for now.
My health as been a major focus for this summer. After returning from Europe, I went to Eisenhower Medical Center for their diabetes training. Did the job of scaring me good and getting me on track. I was given a 1200 calorie diet to get my weight down - which caused me a weekend of raging, but I got my act together and have been good about watching what I eat. I also learned about carb levels, balancing them with protein - and how to make my meals effective. I now have my blood sugar under control and the weight it coming off quite satisfactorily. I can even indulge in goodies now and then (like chocolate cake tonite :D - and my blood sugar level is still in the ok range). I have more energy now and the other day I noticed I can do a couple things more comfortably then I had in the past. I still have a long ways to go, but I'm noticing the difference. The scale is giving me great news - numbers I haven't seen in years.
I am even discovering that I have it in me to be a clothes horse. I'm making notes on outfits I want to make and designs I want to work on. I'm discovering a hidden interest. (more on interests later)
I have had a minor surgery on my foot and had the other eye cataract removed. All of which have had me on a health care regime of medicines and self care practices so I've had to stay focused on taking care of myself. I've been spending a lot of time on me this summer - kind of different, and refreshing.
I've been thinking alot about what it is that I am really interested in. As I explore what personal directions I'd like to go in my life, I find that I like too many things. I can easily get interested in just about any activity or hobby other people have, and there just isn't time to pursue them all. There isn't even time to pursue all the things I am personally interested in. I find that I need to sort out what is really my individual interests and what is just a passing fancy. Like painting. I thought I was really interested in learning to paint. I have some ideas in mind for some great paintings I'd like to do. But I have canvass, brushes and paints - and I'm not painting. I've dabbled in a few things, but have not really gotten into it. Partly because I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I need to take a class to get this thing going? Or maybe this is an area that isn't really me. I like art, I appreciate art - but maybe it isn't me to create art. (I'll still plan on taking a class to explore this area though)
And film. I have enjoyed making some films in the past, but now that I have a decent video camera of my own and software on my computer - I'm not doing anything with it. I watch Nick in his production work and think that is the kind of thing I ought to be doing.... but I'm not. I find right now that I need to push myself into doing it. So does that mean it isn't a real interest of mine. Maybe (I'm not getting rid of the camera, I'm still considering opportunties to make films that will suit my purposes)
I wonder if I am a chameleon. I adapt and mimic those around me, without knowing what is really me. I've been thinking about what kinds of things I have been interested in that I have not seen others around me do. Like my lacemaking and historical skills (weaving, spinning, etc...) Those I pursued on my own, but have had to put aside because of time constraints of raising a family and working full time. (or were those excuses?)
I've picked up the tatting again and materials for other lacemaking. I need to make time for these things in my life, so am finding venues for expressing them.
I guess that is really the key to determining my real interests, finding the way to express them for myself.
Which actually fullfills part of what this blog was originally about - developing my creative side.
What I am trying to do now as I come across various tasks, is to ask myself -- how can I do this using my other interests, talents or skills -- how can I make this a way to express myself.
I'm rearranging the furniture in my classroom. Trying to set it up more efficiently. Trying to cull the junk and use the storage more effectively. One of my projects is bulletin boards. I decided that instead of punching letters out of construction paper, or printing signs off the computer, I will try making some of the labels more interesting. I picked up some perky scrapbook papers and will try using those for some of the letters. I'll need to back them with black construction paper and laminate them so they will last. Maybe I'll get carried away and use some of the scrapbook paper to make the kids' name tags too........ this could get interesting. I'm also thinking of a film to make for math class. Do I have time to put together a film for back to school night???? (an animation????)
This could be a really fun year. :D
I'm not posting my weight, not because it hasn't changed, but rather because it is making dramatic changes and I want to surprise family at holiday time. (more explaination below)
I've tested out a couple different venues, and am beginning to find my own path (though I'm keeping an open mind on possibilities).
My foray into administration was not successful, and I discover that I am not really ambitious to pursue that road anyway. So I'm still in the classroom this year - so far I'm slated to teach a 1/2 combination, but we will see what happens the first day of school. Kids are still enrolling.
I have not yet stepped into the theater relm, though we are going to see more productions now. I was kind of waiting to see where I landed for this school year before getting involved with any particular production group. I'm keeping that option open for now.
My health as been a major focus for this summer. After returning from Europe, I went to Eisenhower Medical Center for their diabetes training. Did the job of scaring me good and getting me on track. I was given a 1200 calorie diet to get my weight down - which caused me a weekend of raging, but I got my act together and have been good about watching what I eat. I also learned about carb levels, balancing them with protein - and how to make my meals effective. I now have my blood sugar under control and the weight it coming off quite satisfactorily. I can even indulge in goodies now and then (like chocolate cake tonite :D - and my blood sugar level is still in the ok range). I have more energy now and the other day I noticed I can do a couple things more comfortably then I had in the past. I still have a long ways to go, but I'm noticing the difference. The scale is giving me great news - numbers I haven't seen in years.
I am even discovering that I have it in me to be a clothes horse. I'm making notes on outfits I want to make and designs I want to work on. I'm discovering a hidden interest. (more on interests later)
I have had a minor surgery on my foot and had the other eye cataract removed. All of which have had me on a health care regime of medicines and self care practices so I've had to stay focused on taking care of myself. I've been spending a lot of time on me this summer - kind of different, and refreshing.
I've been thinking alot about what it is that I am really interested in. As I explore what personal directions I'd like to go in my life, I find that I like too many things. I can easily get interested in just about any activity or hobby other people have, and there just isn't time to pursue them all. There isn't even time to pursue all the things I am personally interested in. I find that I need to sort out what is really my individual interests and what is just a passing fancy. Like painting. I thought I was really interested in learning to paint. I have some ideas in mind for some great paintings I'd like to do. But I have canvass, brushes and paints - and I'm not painting. I've dabbled in a few things, but have not really gotten into it. Partly because I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I need to take a class to get this thing going? Or maybe this is an area that isn't really me. I like art, I appreciate art - but maybe it isn't me to create art. (I'll still plan on taking a class to explore this area though)
And film. I have enjoyed making some films in the past, but now that I have a decent video camera of my own and software on my computer - I'm not doing anything with it. I watch Nick in his production work and think that is the kind of thing I ought to be doing.... but I'm not. I find right now that I need to push myself into doing it. So does that mean it isn't a real interest of mine. Maybe (I'm not getting rid of the camera, I'm still considering opportunties to make films that will suit my purposes)
I wonder if I am a chameleon. I adapt and mimic those around me, without knowing what is really me. I've been thinking about what kinds of things I have been interested in that I have not seen others around me do. Like my lacemaking and historical skills (weaving, spinning, etc...) Those I pursued on my own, but have had to put aside because of time constraints of raising a family and working full time. (or were those excuses?)
I've picked up the tatting again and materials for other lacemaking. I need to make time for these things in my life, so am finding venues for expressing them.
I guess that is really the key to determining my real interests, finding the way to express them for myself.
Which actually fullfills part of what this blog was originally about - developing my creative side.
What I am trying to do now as I come across various tasks, is to ask myself -- how can I do this using my other interests, talents or skills -- how can I make this a way to express myself.
I'm rearranging the furniture in my classroom. Trying to set it up more efficiently. Trying to cull the junk and use the storage more effectively. One of my projects is bulletin boards. I decided that instead of punching letters out of construction paper, or printing signs off the computer, I will try making some of the labels more interesting. I picked up some perky scrapbook papers and will try using those for some of the letters. I'll need to back them with black construction paper and laminate them so they will last. Maybe I'll get carried away and use some of the scrapbook paper to make the kids' name tags too........ this could get interesting. I'm also thinking of a film to make for math class. Do I have time to put together a film for back to school night???? (an animation????)
This could be a really fun year. :D
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Back on track
Oh my gosh - the scale said 215 this morning.
That was after breakfast, and it's not even fast Sunday!!
I've been too weary to do the treadmill all week, though I did put in 30 minutes Saturday morning.
Report:
Last Monday and Tuesday nights I stayed up late looking up Theater information. I ordered my stage make up book from college (my copy had been lent out and never returned). I check out Ben Nye's new line of make up (almost ordered a student kit, but resisted)
I checked out plays going on this summer in surrounding areas, I also checked out the Desert Theater League organization.
I stayed awake late thinking about getting back into theater. It has been a while since something like this has stirred me.
So consequently 2 mornings in a row, I was exhausted and my legs hurt (??) I had to nap after school for a couple days and sleep in on Saturday in order to recover. I've been resisting looking up more theater information for awhile. I need to wait for the 3 day weekend.
In the meantime, my make up book has been shipped and should show up any day now..........
I know the gal who was hired to be the new drama teacher at the new high school. I'm thinking of contacting her and volunteering so I can get my hand back in the pie.
Ohhhhhh, do I really need one my thing on my plate?????
In other news, I rearranged my living room. It now looks like a living room. I have a seating area and a dining area. The furniture is early college student "make do", but it is progress. When Todd finally picks up his stuff (warning: It goes to DI in the fall if not rescued), I plan to buy my own real grown up furniture. It's kind of nice to see how the furniture fits in the room, so as I plan my purchases I know my limitations. I am looking for a nice dining table first! David you don't need to be embarressed to bring friends over to our house anymore. We will look civilized soon.
That was after breakfast, and it's not even fast Sunday!!
I've been too weary to do the treadmill all week, though I did put in 30 minutes Saturday morning.
Report:
Last Monday and Tuesday nights I stayed up late looking up Theater information. I ordered my stage make up book from college (my copy had been lent out and never returned). I check out Ben Nye's new line of make up (almost ordered a student kit, but resisted)
I checked out plays going on this summer in surrounding areas, I also checked out the Desert Theater League organization.
I stayed awake late thinking about getting back into theater. It has been a while since something like this has stirred me.
So consequently 2 mornings in a row, I was exhausted and my legs hurt (??) I had to nap after school for a couple days and sleep in on Saturday in order to recover. I've been resisting looking up more theater information for awhile. I need to wait for the 3 day weekend.
In the meantime, my make up book has been shipped and should show up any day now..........
I know the gal who was hired to be the new drama teacher at the new high school. I'm thinking of contacting her and volunteering so I can get my hand back in the pie.
Ohhhhhh, do I really need one my thing on my plate?????
In other news, I rearranged my living room. It now looks like a living room. I have a seating area and a dining area. The furniture is early college student "make do", but it is progress. When Todd finally picks up his stuff (warning: It goes to DI in the fall if not rescued), I plan to buy my own real grown up furniture. It's kind of nice to see how the furniture fits in the room, so as I plan my purchases I know my limitations. I am looking for a nice dining table first! David you don't need to be embarressed to bring friends over to our house anymore. We will look civilized soon.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
oh no! not publicly publishing the number I saw this morning on the scale!
what is going on??????
No treadmill this morning - slept in a couple of moments before getting ready for seminary pickup.
I'm babysitting in seminary tomorrow, so no treadmill again.
I'm afraid to see what the scale is going to show.
report: The kids were pretty wild today. I was on the edge trying to keep them under control all day. Tomorrow is going to be kind of crazy as we finish up some final projects for mother's day.
I'm at the point where I am starting to reflect on what I want to do differently next year. Problem is I don't know where I will be next year. We got the news this morning that we expect to downsize by 6 teachers next year - so I may well be put in another grade level, or even still possibly be picked up for the new middle school. I guess that will help me not spend too much time this summer planning for school. I'll actually get a vacation.
My projects on the list so far: My health, my house, family history book project for Christmas, and finish some of the projects that have been sitting here undone for years. Oh and 2 weeks of travel overseas. That should keep me busy for 10 weeks.
what is going on??????
No treadmill this morning - slept in a couple of moments before getting ready for seminary pickup.
I'm babysitting in seminary tomorrow, so no treadmill again.
I'm afraid to see what the scale is going to show.
report: The kids were pretty wild today. I was on the edge trying to keep them under control all day. Tomorrow is going to be kind of crazy as we finish up some final projects for mother's day.
I'm at the point where I am starting to reflect on what I want to do differently next year. Problem is I don't know where I will be next year. We got the news this morning that we expect to downsize by 6 teachers next year - so I may well be put in another grade level, or even still possibly be picked up for the new middle school. I guess that will help me not spend too much time this summer planning for school. I'll actually get a vacation.
My projects on the list so far: My health, my house, family history book project for Christmas, and finish some of the projects that have been sitting here undone for years. Oh and 2 weeks of travel overseas. That should keep me busy for 10 weeks.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
set back and intrigue
arghhhh!
219 this morning
(shouldn't have had that extra serving of Jambalya, or maybe it was the strawberry shortcake --- no no no, it's gotta be a hormonal flux, beginning of the month and all, arghhh!)
But good on the treadmill. 30 minutes this morning and an additional 30 after school
(can't do it tomorrow morning, I have seminary pickup duty)
A set back, but I don't feel like its a set back -- so no backsliding yet.... (don't say yet, bad precident)
Report: Something interesting has come up at work at the last minute today. I can't go into all the details, but it has to do with a group of somewhat disident (sp?) teachers who are putting together a complaint to the superintendent about their feelings that a hostile environment exists at the school site. I don't know what they are experiencing, but they are going about it in a cloak and dagger kind of way, but there was a leak of information -- so now a suspicious hostility has been created causing some hard feelings and devisivness. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. Sometimes the adults are worse than the kids.
219 this morning
(shouldn't have had that extra serving of Jambalya, or maybe it was the strawberry shortcake --- no no no, it's gotta be a hormonal flux, beginning of the month and all, arghhh!)
But good on the treadmill. 30 minutes this morning and an additional 30 after school
(can't do it tomorrow morning, I have seminary pickup duty)
A set back, but I don't feel like its a set back -- so no backsliding yet.... (don't say yet, bad precident)
Report: Something interesting has come up at work at the last minute today. I can't go into all the details, but it has to do with a group of somewhat disident (sp?) teachers who are putting together a complaint to the superintendent about their feelings that a hostile environment exists at the school site. I don't know what they are experiencing, but they are going about it in a cloak and dagger kind of way, but there was a leak of information -- so now a suspicious hostility has been created causing some hard feelings and devisivness. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. Sometimes the adults are worse than the kids.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Reflection on a crisis
weight this morning 216 - yeah!!!
(I saw 215 after fasting this Sunday :D )
Treadmill - did 25 minutes, I started late and had to end a touch early so I wouldn't be late for work.
I did do the treadmill for 40 minutes and yardwork yesterday - so got a good workout.
Today's report - a reflection.
I've been feeling rather conflicted lately. Lost, confused, not sure what I want to do with myself, not sure why I feel like I have to do anything with myself. I feel a drive to make something happen, but don't know what.
I've felt a stab of jealousy toward my daughter??!! That surprised me!
I'm extremely greatful we have a terrific relationship. And what's more she has said so too.
I feel a need for a change of some kind.
After several days (weeks?)of this it dawned on me that I am having a mid-life crisis. It's the kind of feeling alot of young people have after graduating high school. Not sure what to do next, how to do it, etc.... I was lucky after high school. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how to go about it. I moved along pretty well until my Junior year of college. That is when I freaked and realized I wasn't going in the right direction and had to pause to think about things. I went back home and got married - which defined my life for the next 30 years.
So it's been 30 years and the last baby is almost grown. Now what?
I can't quit my job - I'm too close to a great retirement package. I can't leave the area for the same reason. I don't really want to start anything big and new right now, I'm so overwhelmed and busy as it is.
I have been feeling unaccomplished.
So I did what I usually do when conflicting feelings get to me - I made some lists.
I listed skills I have - like cooking, sewing, teaching, etc... I came up with a satisfactory list. I realized that there are a lot of things I can do, that I just don't do for whatever reason.
I then connected these things together under some specific personal goals - like getting my appearance and health where I want them to be. I realized I have the skills to do that.
I also realized that I have a couple very clear wants that I can begin working on right now.
I like the idea of working on something that will have tangible, permanent and final results.
The problem with being a homemake, teacher, mother, etc.... is that the job is never done. The bulk of my days have been spent doing the same tasks over and over again, with the results being hard to see (even in teaching - the kids leave for the next grade and I get a new batch. I don't get to see long term the affects of my efforts).
It was liberating somewhat to see that there are some specific things I really want to accomplish, and that I have the talents/skills to work on them. For the sake of full disclosure the 4 main desires I came up with are:
1. I want to improve my health and appearance
2. I want to improve the appearance of my home.
3. I want to make a contribution to society.
4. I want a creative outlet to express myself.
I added to the bottom of my skills and can do list, things that I would like to learn to do. I can see clearly that most of those are in the creative expression area. I guess I feel a real need for a creative outlet. Not surprising as this was one of the original goals of this blog for this year. I'm also starting to see a 5th desire I need to add to the list.
5. I want to interact socially more with those around me.
As I googled female midlife crisis, it appears that there are alot of women who redefine or reinvent themselves at this time (I like the word "reinvent" - feels like a fun challenge). I think my reinvention will come in how I finally decide to make my contribution to society (yes, yes, I know that teaching is a contribution - but it's my job. I am ready for an altruistic contribution, of sorts). I'm not ready yet to announce what that passion will be yet. In the meantime I am comfortable with working on my body and home (and social outreach).
So I'm really not doing anything terribly new, but I feel like I have some sense of direction now.
I still have a busy schedule, but as retirement moves closer I can consider moving into phase 2 which will include meeting more of desires 3 and 4. I can think of it as lower division and upper division goals. Like getting a college degree. I will get a Masters in being Me.
(I saw 215 after fasting this Sunday :D )
Treadmill - did 25 minutes, I started late and had to end a touch early so I wouldn't be late for work.
I did do the treadmill for 40 minutes and yardwork yesterday - so got a good workout.
Today's report - a reflection.
I've been feeling rather conflicted lately. Lost, confused, not sure what I want to do with myself, not sure why I feel like I have to do anything with myself. I feel a drive to make something happen, but don't know what.
I've felt a stab of jealousy toward my daughter??!! That surprised me!
I'm extremely greatful we have a terrific relationship. And what's more she has said so too.
I feel a need for a change of some kind.
After several days (weeks?)of this it dawned on me that I am having a mid-life crisis. It's the kind of feeling alot of young people have after graduating high school. Not sure what to do next, how to do it, etc.... I was lucky after high school. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how to go about it. I moved along pretty well until my Junior year of college. That is when I freaked and realized I wasn't going in the right direction and had to pause to think about things. I went back home and got married - which defined my life for the next 30 years.
So it's been 30 years and the last baby is almost grown. Now what?
I can't quit my job - I'm too close to a great retirement package. I can't leave the area for the same reason. I don't really want to start anything big and new right now, I'm so overwhelmed and busy as it is.
I have been feeling unaccomplished.
So I did what I usually do when conflicting feelings get to me - I made some lists.
I listed skills I have - like cooking, sewing, teaching, etc... I came up with a satisfactory list. I realized that there are a lot of things I can do, that I just don't do for whatever reason.
I then connected these things together under some specific personal goals - like getting my appearance and health where I want them to be. I realized I have the skills to do that.
I also realized that I have a couple very clear wants that I can begin working on right now.
I like the idea of working on something that will have tangible, permanent and final results.
The problem with being a homemake, teacher, mother, etc.... is that the job is never done. The bulk of my days have been spent doing the same tasks over and over again, with the results being hard to see (even in teaching - the kids leave for the next grade and I get a new batch. I don't get to see long term the affects of my efforts).
It was liberating somewhat to see that there are some specific things I really want to accomplish, and that I have the talents/skills to work on them. For the sake of full disclosure the 4 main desires I came up with are:
1. I want to improve my health and appearance
2. I want to improve the appearance of my home.
3. I want to make a contribution to society.
4. I want a creative outlet to express myself.
I added to the bottom of my skills and can do list, things that I would like to learn to do. I can see clearly that most of those are in the creative expression area. I guess I feel a real need for a creative outlet. Not surprising as this was one of the original goals of this blog for this year. I'm also starting to see a 5th desire I need to add to the list.
5. I want to interact socially more with those around me.
As I googled female midlife crisis, it appears that there are alot of women who redefine or reinvent themselves at this time (I like the word "reinvent" - feels like a fun challenge). I think my reinvention will come in how I finally decide to make my contribution to society (yes, yes, I know that teaching is a contribution - but it's my job. I am ready for an altruistic contribution, of sorts). I'm not ready yet to announce what that passion will be yet. In the meantime I am comfortable with working on my body and home (and social outreach).
So I'm really not doing anything terribly new, but I feel like I have some sense of direction now.
I still have a busy schedule, but as retirement moves closer I can consider moving into phase 2 which will include meeting more of desires 3 and 4. I can think of it as lower division and upper division goals. Like getting a college degree. I will get a Masters in being Me.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
What I thought I saw
Been super busy lately - but that is facebook news.
It was quite striking to me because the bulk of it was black and white. The bit of color in it really stood out. The center of the picure looked like two trees in fall follage against a yellow background -there was a dark green hedge that ran down the middle. The trees were distinctly black and white, with a shadow on their left sides that was a bit removed from the left edge - creating a shadow line kind of thing. The grass below was just a sketch, as was the unfinished tree and bush on the left side. On the right side was the beginnings of what was probably two more trees, but they were unfinished.
So why was Ronni laughing - what was it really?
Now bare in mind, I have a sever cataract in my right eye (operation set for April 20!), so my imagination is helped by the natural blurring of what I see at any distance. I knew there wasn't a landscape sitting on top of my file cabinet. On closer inspection...
It was a yellow scrubbing sponge - the kind with the green scouring bottom that was apparently curled up a bit to reveal the green along the edge I could see (yellow sky and green hedge). This was sitting on a piece of paper that had some lines and makings on it, creating the grass, side bush and side trees. The two main trees in the center were created by white shoe laces draped over the top. They had black writing down them that created the tree trunk shadows. The follage? This whole mess was sitting on top of a couple of homemade pink floral cards -- I guess my eye translated the pink to fall follage colors.
I think my landscape is much more attractive then the sponge and shoelace mess. After getting the rough draft sketch done, I cleaned up the mess. As a matter of fact, during conference broadcast today I managed to get my whole desk area straightened up. I even had a little time to work on a cross stitch project I started over 3 years ago.
It felt good to be productive today and not just running around putting out social fires.
You know how when you look at designs on fabric or curves in floor tile, sometimes you see pictures. And then when you go back to find them again, you can't see them anymore? Many times I have wanted to sketch what I see, so I can hold the picture of it in my memory. On the curtain in my bathroom, above my bathtub - there are fairies in big flowery bathing suits.... At least they used to be there. I can't find them anymore.
Yesterday I was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking over to my desk area - when I saw a very beautiful landscape on my file cabinet. I didn't move, but had Ronni bring me my sketch pad. I explained to her what I was seeing as I drew it, which made her laugh. I knew it was actually a collection of objects that created the design, but I wanted to capture it before it dissolved into mundane nothingness. The colors struck me as they constrasted agains the black and white surrounding them.
OK - this is my rough sketch (no colors):
This is another sketch of what it looks like with color added (the way I saw it - for the most part):
It was quite striking to me because the bulk of it was black and white. The bit of color in it really stood out. The center of the picure looked like two trees in fall follage against a yellow background -there was a dark green hedge that ran down the middle. The trees were distinctly black and white, with a shadow on their left sides that was a bit removed from the left edge - creating a shadow line kind of thing. The grass below was just a sketch, as was the unfinished tree and bush on the left side. On the right side was the beginnings of what was probably two more trees, but they were unfinished.
So why was Ronni laughing - what was it really?
Now bare in mind, I have a sever cataract in my right eye (operation set for April 20!), so my imagination is helped by the natural blurring of what I see at any distance. I knew there wasn't a landscape sitting on top of my file cabinet. On closer inspection...
It was a yellow scrubbing sponge - the kind with the green scouring bottom that was apparently curled up a bit to reveal the green along the edge I could see (yellow sky and green hedge). This was sitting on a piece of paper that had some lines and makings on it, creating the grass, side bush and side trees. The two main trees in the center were created by white shoe laces draped over the top. They had black writing down them that created the tree trunk shadows. The follage? This whole mess was sitting on top of a couple of homemade pink floral cards -- I guess my eye translated the pink to fall follage colors.
I think my landscape is much more attractive then the sponge and shoelace mess. After getting the rough draft sketch done, I cleaned up the mess. As a matter of fact, during conference broadcast today I managed to get my whole desk area straightened up. I even had a little time to work on a cross stitch project I started over 3 years ago.
It felt good to be productive today and not just running around putting out social fires.
Monday, March 30, 2009
World travel
It is confirmed, Ronni and I are going to Europe this summer. We will spend about 3 days in Paris, another somewhere in the French countryside, about 3 or so days in Switzerland, then on to Germany for about a week.
Kathy is going there to visit with her in-laws, so Loretta and Mom thought it would be fun to meet up with them over there. I heard about the trip and wanted to join in. I love travel, of course, but I really wanted Ronni to have the opportunity to go to France and hear the language spoken in its "natural" environment. I was thinking more like next summer, but since Loretta is planning a trip now, I'm happy to piggy back and use her freeby hotels and friends for lodging.
I was hoping to actually spend more time in Paris, but we can squeeze in the main attractions. We will spend a day in the Lourve, another day touring using the on/off tour busses (Loved those in Dublin and London). We plan to take sketch books and take pictures of ourselves drawing along the Seine and wherever.
I want to see if I can contact one of the wards or branches there ahead of time to see if there might be someone Ronni's age that can join us for a day or so. It would be so cool if she could get an LDS penpal in France. I hear that Anime is very popular there, so chances are good she can meet up with someone who has similar interests.
It has been ages since I have tried speaking French. I'll need to study up. Ronni will be our official interpreter.
Kathy is going there to visit with her in-laws, so Loretta and Mom thought it would be fun to meet up with them over there. I heard about the trip and wanted to join in. I love travel, of course, but I really wanted Ronni to have the opportunity to go to France and hear the language spoken in its "natural" environment. I was thinking more like next summer, but since Loretta is planning a trip now, I'm happy to piggy back and use her freeby hotels and friends for lodging.
I was hoping to actually spend more time in Paris, but we can squeeze in the main attractions. We will spend a day in the Lourve, another day touring using the on/off tour busses (Loved those in Dublin and London). We plan to take sketch books and take pictures of ourselves drawing along the Seine and wherever.
I want to see if I can contact one of the wards or branches there ahead of time to see if there might be someone Ronni's age that can join us for a day or so. It would be so cool if she could get an LDS penpal in France. I hear that Anime is very popular there, so chances are good she can meet up with someone who has similar interests.
It has been ages since I have tried speaking French. I'll need to study up. Ronni will be our official interpreter.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
breaking free - not
weight: 117 (good - even when I ate a couple cupcakes)
treadmill: yes, being good this week, 30 minutes everyday in the morning.
creativity goal: gotta decorate a cake for a Relief Society Activity
Observations:
Nick wrote a comment about wanting to vent and speak his mind, but he worried about offending people. I responded to him that I too would like to be able to do that. I've considered starting a blog, but keeping my identity secret - so I could say some things on my mind that I am not sure I want everyone on my facebook or myspace friends lists to know about. What is the point of venting if you are not listened to. A hidden identity reminds me of that proverbial tree that falls deep in the forest. Who knows or cares?
I know I care to hear about other people's issues. I care deeply about the concerns and worries of my children. Even when I am the issue that is bothering them (I try to reign myself in)
I think knowing about the real person inside - the pain, the insecurities, the "issues", helps us to really know each other well.
But a blog is a very impersonal environment.
I'm reminded of PostSecrets where people send in their secrets on a post card, which is then posted on a website for all the world to read. Annonymous sharing of deepest feelings.
Secrets - some are not really any big deal to others, so why do we hord them and hide them and let them fester in us?
Is keeping a public happy face necessary for the smooth functioning of society?
I'm not talking about the constant whining - that is annoying and probably bad for mental health. Where can one go to share without being judged or "counseled" - sometimes I don't want it fixed, I just want others to understand what I'm dealing with.
Sometimes I need a hug. I don't get hugs - that is one of my secrets. The cat gets cuddled more than I do. Dr. Temple Grandin, an autistic person, created a hug machine for herself because she realized the value of deep tissue pressure to help calm and sooth the muscles and nerves. Being autistic, she is hyper sensitive to touch - but was able to get the therapy she realized she needed via the squeeze machine.
I have a pillow I hug at night, and that helps. Once, years ago, during a deep depression period of time, I hugged a large stuff toy. I was amazed at how calming and soothing that felt. It really made a big difference to wrap my arms around it and feel the soft pressure on my upper torso and face. I remember sharing the sensation at a weight watcher's meeting. The gal who was the leader suggested I might have trouble loosing weight if I have this lack of emotional support.
Once, a couple years ago, a young man from the singles ward that I have worked with in the past, took my hand - and instead of shaking it, as is our custom, lifted it up and kissed the back of it. I was overwhelmed with intense emotions. It felt so good! I was feeling like a 50 year old fool, swooning over a young man. That made me realize how intensely empty my emotional well was. The next time I met that young man, I had to make a point of avoiding getting too close. I know that confused him because he was always friendly -- one of those taught to hug friends. I so wanted a hug, but didn't dare trust my emotions.
My oldest son has been come a goodbye hugger - very unusual for him compared to his youth, but a nice development. I rarely get to see him.
My second son has always been a hugger of sorts - but I see him even less.
No one else here shows affection. If I try to initiate a hug, they tolerate it (if I can catch them).
The cat will want to cuddle - meaning I'm allowed to pet and rub her. But she doesn't want me to pick her up at all.
So I am not hugged, one painful secret - part of my secret picture.
Report - I felt good about the cake I decorated for our Relief Society birthday. It came out nice. Only one slice was taken though, so I got to bring it home. I put raspberries in the center filling (chocolate icing), yum - I love raspberries in chocolate. Though I think I wasted my time fussing over making the cake and worrying about getting it right. The other cakes were either store bought or in a sheet pan. I could have saved a lot of effort.
treadmill: yes, being good this week, 30 minutes everyday in the morning.
creativity goal: gotta decorate a cake for a Relief Society Activity
Observations:
Nick wrote a comment about wanting to vent and speak his mind, but he worried about offending people. I responded to him that I too would like to be able to do that. I've considered starting a blog, but keeping my identity secret - so I could say some things on my mind that I am not sure I want everyone on my facebook or myspace friends lists to know about. What is the point of venting if you are not listened to. A hidden identity reminds me of that proverbial tree that falls deep in the forest. Who knows or cares?
I know I care to hear about other people's issues. I care deeply about the concerns and worries of my children. Even when I am the issue that is bothering them (I try to reign myself in)
I think knowing about the real person inside - the pain, the insecurities, the "issues", helps us to really know each other well.
But a blog is a very impersonal environment.
I'm reminded of PostSecrets where people send in their secrets on a post card, which is then posted on a website for all the world to read. Annonymous sharing of deepest feelings.
Secrets - some are not really any big deal to others, so why do we hord them and hide them and let them fester in us?
Is keeping a public happy face necessary for the smooth functioning of society?
I'm not talking about the constant whining - that is annoying and probably bad for mental health. Where can one go to share without being judged or "counseled" - sometimes I don't want it fixed, I just want others to understand what I'm dealing with.
Sometimes I need a hug. I don't get hugs - that is one of my secrets. The cat gets cuddled more than I do. Dr. Temple Grandin, an autistic person, created a hug machine for herself because she realized the value of deep tissue pressure to help calm and sooth the muscles and nerves. Being autistic, she is hyper sensitive to touch - but was able to get the therapy she realized she needed via the squeeze machine.
I have a pillow I hug at night, and that helps. Once, years ago, during a deep depression period of time, I hugged a large stuff toy. I was amazed at how calming and soothing that felt. It really made a big difference to wrap my arms around it and feel the soft pressure on my upper torso and face. I remember sharing the sensation at a weight watcher's meeting. The gal who was the leader suggested I might have trouble loosing weight if I have this lack of emotional support.
Once, a couple years ago, a young man from the singles ward that I have worked with in the past, took my hand - and instead of shaking it, as is our custom, lifted it up and kissed the back of it. I was overwhelmed with intense emotions. It felt so good! I was feeling like a 50 year old fool, swooning over a young man. That made me realize how intensely empty my emotional well was. The next time I met that young man, I had to make a point of avoiding getting too close. I know that confused him because he was always friendly -- one of those taught to hug friends. I so wanted a hug, but didn't dare trust my emotions.
My oldest son has been come a goodbye hugger - very unusual for him compared to his youth, but a nice development. I rarely get to see him.
My second son has always been a hugger of sorts - but I see him even less.
No one else here shows affection. If I try to initiate a hug, they tolerate it (if I can catch them).
The cat will want to cuddle - meaning I'm allowed to pet and rub her. But she doesn't want me to pick her up at all.
So I am not hugged, one painful secret - part of my secret picture.
Report - I felt good about the cake I decorated for our Relief Society birthday. It came out nice. Only one slice was taken though, so I got to bring it home. I put raspberries in the center filling (chocolate icing), yum - I love raspberries in chocolate. Though I think I wasted my time fussing over making the cake and worrying about getting it right. The other cakes were either store bought or in a sheet pan. I could have saved a lot of effort.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Feeling all wet
weight: 218 (guess it wasn't a hormonal bump)
treadmill: yes - 30 minutes
Didn't set any specific goals for today, but did have an interview scheduled.
I took the whole week off. Slept in, didn't watch my eating, didn't get on the treadmill. Sometimes I just need to break away.
I've been mulling over some ideas and self explorations. I realize that I tend to quit on things just before I finish them. I wonder why. I do think I am concerned that I don't do things well, so maybe I quit so I can't fail. There is some logic in that. If it isn't done, it isn't a total failure - it's in progress still.
In my new calling I have been handed some "hurry up and take care of this" kind of responsibilities. My knee jerk reaction is to put off taking care of things. But I want to do well, I want to be successful at this. I'm pleased to say, that so far, I have jumped right in and haven't thought twice about making phone calls or contacting folks via e-mail. So far I am enjoying some success. But things are getting busy - I am concerned that I am going to get lost in alot of last minute "to does," such that I won't have the time to make some long term effective plans.
(warning - change in topic)
I don't think I'm a particulary successful blogger. I tend to ramble and vent. Though venting is a valid type of blog. I read others that tell creative narratives, or of exciting things happening in the lives of others....and I feel mine is blahhhh.
I need an outlet to express my ideas, as unstructured or random as they may be. I know I tend to be wordy - maybe a good blog dump will save my husband and children from having to listen to me ramble on.
(another topic change)I got to talk to a young mother on Sunday who I have been curious about for some time.
I won't share details of our conversation for fear that someone reading this might figure out who she is. I respect her privacy.
But she has gone through some difficult times in her life and still deals with the consequences of it all. She struggles for happiness and emotional survival. Now isn't that a vague enough statement to describe many of us? Don't we struggle for happiness and emotional stablility. Is it a woman thing that we feel guilt and less than acceptable? We tend to feel we always miss the mark. I'm not saying that the issues this woman is dealing with aren't truly overwhelming - they are. She is fighting a valiant fight against terrible odds.
I think back on all the fine women I have known who have been so encouraging for me. Those who call me talented, who brag to others about my great teaching skills, or my fantastic talks. Who claim to look forward to my lessons or comments. Who proclaim that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when my daughter does something terrific. They build me, they encourage me, they feed my inner little girl who is only trying to please, but feels like I'm not worthy.
I crave those words where someone says "well done."
I know I need to say those words to others. There are many who are starving and sick with self doubt or overwhelming negatives.
We are vessels of living water/love. Some of us feel empty and need to be filled. Some are fortunate enough to be overflowing and able to share with others.
It is my thought that even those of us who feel like we have a hole in our buckets, can be generous and help fill the buckets of others. That maybe there will be a general splashing that in turn will refill ours. Living water/love is not finite. It increases with sharing.
For too long I have hoarded my water. I need to be more generous.
So maybe for the next month or so, my exploration of the world will involve some splashing.
treadmill: yes - 30 minutes
Didn't set any specific goals for today, but did have an interview scheduled.
I took the whole week off. Slept in, didn't watch my eating, didn't get on the treadmill. Sometimes I just need to break away.
I've been mulling over some ideas and self explorations. I realize that I tend to quit on things just before I finish them. I wonder why. I do think I am concerned that I don't do things well, so maybe I quit so I can't fail. There is some logic in that. If it isn't done, it isn't a total failure - it's in progress still.
In my new calling I have been handed some "hurry up and take care of this" kind of responsibilities. My knee jerk reaction is to put off taking care of things. But I want to do well, I want to be successful at this. I'm pleased to say, that so far, I have jumped right in and haven't thought twice about making phone calls or contacting folks via e-mail. So far I am enjoying some success. But things are getting busy - I am concerned that I am going to get lost in alot of last minute "to does," such that I won't have the time to make some long term effective plans.
(warning - change in topic)
I don't think I'm a particulary successful blogger. I tend to ramble and vent. Though venting is a valid type of blog. I read others that tell creative narratives, or of exciting things happening in the lives of others....and I feel mine is blahhhh.
I need an outlet to express my ideas, as unstructured or random as they may be. I know I tend to be wordy - maybe a good blog dump will save my husband and children from having to listen to me ramble on.
(another topic change)I got to talk to a young mother on Sunday who I have been curious about for some time.
I won't share details of our conversation for fear that someone reading this might figure out who she is. I respect her privacy.
But she has gone through some difficult times in her life and still deals with the consequences of it all. She struggles for happiness and emotional survival. Now isn't that a vague enough statement to describe many of us? Don't we struggle for happiness and emotional stablility. Is it a woman thing that we feel guilt and less than acceptable? We tend to feel we always miss the mark. I'm not saying that the issues this woman is dealing with aren't truly overwhelming - they are. She is fighting a valiant fight against terrible odds.
I think back on all the fine women I have known who have been so encouraging for me. Those who call me talented, who brag to others about my great teaching skills, or my fantastic talks. Who claim to look forward to my lessons or comments. Who proclaim that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when my daughter does something terrific. They build me, they encourage me, they feed my inner little girl who is only trying to please, but feels like I'm not worthy.
I crave those words where someone says "well done."
I know I need to say those words to others. There are many who are starving and sick with self doubt or overwhelming negatives.
We are vessels of living water/love. Some of us feel empty and need to be filled. Some are fortunate enough to be overflowing and able to share with others.
It is my thought that even those of us who feel like we have a hole in our buckets, can be generous and help fill the buckets of others. That maybe there will be a general splashing that in turn will refill ours. Living water/love is not finite. It increases with sharing.
For too long I have hoarded my water. I need to be more generous.
So maybe for the next month or so, my exploration of the world will involve some splashing.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
weekend
I'm taking the day off, but found something to share. Sean wrote about this on his blog. It is exciting to see the church use the modern technology in this way, both Internet and Video:
Hope this inbeds properly
There are more - use the link on lds.org to go to Mormon Messages on YouTube.
(Sean insists I put the link to Mormon Messages directly. OK - but go ahead and check out the church website too)
Alright Sean. Do I get an A now?
Hope this inbeds properly
There are more - use the link on lds.org to go to Mormon Messages on YouTube.
(Sean insists I put the link to Mormon Messages directly. OK - but go ahead and check out the church website too)
Alright Sean. Do I get an A now?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Field days 12 and 13
day 12
weight: 118
treadmill: yes 30 minutes
day 13
weight: 118 (most be retaining water, still getting a hormonal flux I guess)
treadmill: no
Field report:
I'm rebelling.
I'm tired of getting up early and being on the treadmill. I'm tired of eating vegetables for breakfast. I'm tired of paperwork and clutter.
I'm also frustrated with health issues. I'm mad at my doctor for referering me to an endicrinologist (spelling wrong) that I've already seen and don't trust. He didn't know any better, but now I'll have to find someone else to see instead. (specialist, not reg. doctor = I'll have to train him to check with me first before calling in a referral)
On a more postive note: I got my report cards finished, I turned in some paperwork on time, my knee felt good today, I actually had a little more energy today (so take that treadmill!).
I plan to have fun at school tomorrow - time for more art.
I'll get over my health rebellion and take care of my self, but I needed a break.
Exploration --- I looked at the stars last night. It has been awhile. My friend Orion is in the sky. It was good to see him again (even if he did a look a little fuzzy through this bad eye). Isn't it amazing how people used to study the sky and learn so much. We are so busy this days we miss the awesome beauty and classroom of nature around us. We take way too much for granted.
weight: 118
treadmill: yes 30 minutes
day 13
weight: 118 (most be retaining water, still getting a hormonal flux I guess)
treadmill: no
Field report:
I'm rebelling.
I'm tired of getting up early and being on the treadmill. I'm tired of eating vegetables for breakfast. I'm tired of paperwork and clutter.
I'm also frustrated with health issues. I'm mad at my doctor for referering me to an endicrinologist (spelling wrong) that I've already seen and don't trust. He didn't know any better, but now I'll have to find someone else to see instead. (specialist, not reg. doctor = I'll have to train him to check with me first before calling in a referral)
On a more postive note: I got my report cards finished, I turned in some paperwork on time, my knee felt good today, I actually had a little more energy today (so take that treadmill!).
I plan to have fun at school tomorrow - time for more art.
I'll get over my health rebellion and take care of my self, but I needed a break.
Exploration --- I looked at the stars last night. It has been awhile. My friend Orion is in the sky. It was good to see him again (even if he did a look a little fuzzy through this bad eye). Isn't it amazing how people used to study the sky and learn so much. We are so busy this days we miss the awesome beauty and classroom of nature around us. We take way too much for granted.
Monday, March 2, 2009
fieldwork: day 11
weight: 216 - strange, after a fast Sunday
treadmill - yes, 30 minutes, bright and early this morning
significant chore - getting caught up on school paperwork, time to do grades
exploration goal: We are going to a play today. I'll see what I can garner from that.
Fieldreport: Wow, got up really early - but enjoyed it leisurely, so I wasn't really especially early to work.
The field trip was great - we saw the Dallas Children's Theater group do Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters. There were a few spots in the show that dragged, but all in all it was very good. I waa particulary intrigued by the dancing. There were alot of tribal, African style movements. The music was a mix of reggie and tribal sounds. Though as I thought about it, reggie comes from the Carribean, where many African Slaves were brought centuries ago. I also got a sense of New Orleans - which would also be influenced by the African heritage. The movements were fluid and beautiful. The other day in the newspaper I saw a picture of a black man dancing, and the caption mentioned some special style of street dancing. I wonder if it relates at all to some of the movements I saw on stage today?
The set was well used. There were some large stage pieces that at times were trees, walls of the hut, or walls of the king's palace. The lighting affects were simple, yet effective. The show was done with a total of 7 performers. Some played multiple parts and it worked quite well.
The audience was quite caught up in the drumming, many times joining with clapping the beat. At the end many of the students got up and joined in the swaying, arm reaching dancing. I was fun to see.
I am still behind on getting my paperwork caught up, but I think I'll meet the report card deadline. I found a couple of kids who are missing some math tests. I thought I had done a better job of getting their papers into the make up basket.
My Doctor called today. My blood and lab work came back. He wants to refer me to an endocrynologist (spelling?). I am so annoyed with that idea. I don't want to behaving any issues that require anything drastic. I want to be healthy and accomplish my goals. But when it comes to my health, sometimes I over worry - so maybe it isn't soo bad.
treadmill - yes, 30 minutes, bright and early this morning
significant chore - getting caught up on school paperwork, time to do grades
exploration goal: We are going to a play today. I'll see what I can garner from that.
Fieldreport: Wow, got up really early - but enjoyed it leisurely, so I wasn't really especially early to work.
The field trip was great - we saw the Dallas Children's Theater group do Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters. There were a few spots in the show that dragged, but all in all it was very good. I waa particulary intrigued by the dancing. There were alot of tribal, African style movements. The music was a mix of reggie and tribal sounds. Though as I thought about it, reggie comes from the Carribean, where many African Slaves were brought centuries ago. I also got a sense of New Orleans - which would also be influenced by the African heritage. The movements were fluid and beautiful. The other day in the newspaper I saw a picture of a black man dancing, and the caption mentioned some special style of street dancing. I wonder if it relates at all to some of the movements I saw on stage today?
The set was well used. There were some large stage pieces that at times were trees, walls of the hut, or walls of the king's palace. The lighting affects were simple, yet effective. The show was done with a total of 7 performers. Some played multiple parts and it worked quite well.
The audience was quite caught up in the drumming, many times joining with clapping the beat. At the end many of the students got up and joined in the swaying, arm reaching dancing. I was fun to see.
I am still behind on getting my paperwork caught up, but I think I'll meet the report card deadline. I found a couple of kids who are missing some math tests. I thought I had done a better job of getting their papers into the make up basket.
My Doctor called today. My blood and lab work came back. He wants to refer me to an endocrynologist (spelling?). I am so annoyed with that idea. I don't want to behaving any issues that require anything drastic. I want to be healthy and accomplish my goals. But when it comes to my health, sometimes I over worry - so maybe it isn't soo bad.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
fieldwork day 10
weight: 215
treadmill: 30 minutes - watched episode of Murphy Brown too. Love that show!
Significant chore: get some classroom paperwork and cleaning caught up. Also need to accomplish something here at home.
Exploration opportunities: Well, I should work on my painting.
Fieldwork;
As the day starts I am really sluggish. I think I am in a depressed cycle right now. Gotta snap out of this.
Partway through the day - arrgh - still dragging here. Skipped out on going to my classroom. I was able to get the school webpage updated from home. I have some papers I can grade here and enter via the Internet - so I'll be caught up on the most important stuff. If I get in early on Monday (ha,ha,ha,ha), I can get a little done. We will be going on a field trip, so I can finish up after school (ha,ha,ha,ha).
Nick heard about my funk and roped me in to helping him solve an online puzzle. go to: http://www.iamnottome.com/. It'll look like only a picture, but actually it is a riddle to solve. After solving each one you go deeper and deeper into the riddle. Nick showed me how the first page worked, then I made a suggestion for the second page (I figured out the words were lyrics to a song - Nick was surprised I picked that up so quick, little did I know he had already solved that page and was just humoring me). We continued on another page, and again Nick was a little surprised at my ideas for solving - again, he had already solved it. So we got onto the 4th page -where Nick was stumped. We worked together for about 1/2 hour and finally solved it. (Nick figured out the final key - I was able to take the information and then find the answer- good teamwork). In our google searches we found lots of other folks out there working on the puzzle. Some are off on their thinking, some right on. I have to say it did wake me up a bit. But then Nick had to go to work.
I took a nap.
Finally got the porch in back hosed off. I need to find that one feng shui spot in the house that needs work to help pull me out of this blah state. My painting still stands unworked on.
Evening update: I got up after a bit and decided to throw caution to the wind and do a background on my painting. I'm limited in what color tubes I have so it turned out somewhat more vibrant than I was planning. I've had to walk away from it and come back to look at it a couple of times. It is growing on me. It is actually what I wanted to do -experiment with just getting color on canvas. The next time I'll need to add in the flowers and details I want. I left my camera at school -so I'll have to take a picture on Monday. But I do feel some accomplishment now. Cassey told me it always takes more paint than you expect it to. That is very true. I need to go buy more pant now. I'm feeling a little braver about attacking one of these other canvases.
treadmill: 30 minutes - watched episode of Murphy Brown too. Love that show!
Significant chore: get some classroom paperwork and cleaning caught up. Also need to accomplish something here at home.
Exploration opportunities: Well, I should work on my painting.
Fieldwork;
As the day starts I am really sluggish. I think I am in a depressed cycle right now. Gotta snap out of this.
Partway through the day - arrgh - still dragging here. Skipped out on going to my classroom. I was able to get the school webpage updated from home. I have some papers I can grade here and enter via the Internet - so I'll be caught up on the most important stuff. If I get in early on Monday (ha,ha,ha,ha), I can get a little done. We will be going on a field trip, so I can finish up after school (ha,ha,ha,ha).
Nick heard about my funk and roped me in to helping him solve an online puzzle. go to: http://www.iamnottome.com/. It'll look like only a picture, but actually it is a riddle to solve. After solving each one you go deeper and deeper into the riddle. Nick showed me how the first page worked, then I made a suggestion for the second page (I figured out the words were lyrics to a song - Nick was surprised I picked that up so quick, little did I know he had already solved that page and was just humoring me). We continued on another page, and again Nick was a little surprised at my ideas for solving - again, he had already solved it. So we got onto the 4th page -where Nick was stumped. We worked together for about 1/2 hour and finally solved it. (Nick figured out the final key - I was able to take the information and then find the answer- good teamwork). In our google searches we found lots of other folks out there working on the puzzle. Some are off on their thinking, some right on. I have to say it did wake me up a bit. But then Nick had to go to work.
I took a nap.
Finally got the porch in back hosed off. I need to find that one feng shui spot in the house that needs work to help pull me out of this blah state. My painting still stands unworked on.
Evening update: I got up after a bit and decided to throw caution to the wind and do a background on my painting. I'm limited in what color tubes I have so it turned out somewhat more vibrant than I was planning. I've had to walk away from it and come back to look at it a couple of times. It is growing on me. It is actually what I wanted to do -experiment with just getting color on canvas. The next time I'll need to add in the flowers and details I want. I left my camera at school -so I'll have to take a picture on Monday. But I do feel some accomplishment now. Cassey told me it always takes more paint than you expect it to. That is very true. I need to go buy more pant now. I'm feeling a little braver about attacking one of these other canvases.
Friday, February 27, 2009
fieldwork day 9
weight: 216 - no surprises, didn't gain that's good.
treadmill - not today - early seminary again
significant chore: I need to get the bulletin announcments ready for the March bulletin. Tonight is her deadline.
Exploraton opportunities: I'm still a little sluggish here. I need to keep my eyes open.
Field report: We painted in class today. We are studying the works of children's author Eric Carle. He has an interesting way of doing his illustrations by using collage. He creates sheets of painted paper that he uses for cutting out for his collages. In his studio he will spend a day or so painting up these papers, creatively adding swirls, scratches, splots and such. He then files these in drawers by color (Reds, blues, greens, etc....). Then when he wants to create a lady bug or spider, or such, he'll get the color papers he needs and cut and pastes away. (It's a little more complicated than cut and paste - you need to see the video).
We are going to do a bulletin board representing his work, so today we painted sheets of paper to give us the color pieces we need for next week's collage project.
The activity reminded me a little of that art work I had seen at the hospital, so it was fun to begin to play with it.
As we were cleaning up, one of the girls (my class artist) noticed that the colors on the clean up cloth looked quite artistic. So she decided to save the wipey and during free time mounted it on a background paper to make a new piece of artwork. Others copied her with their wipe up cloths. One boy, who wasn't part of the clean up crew, got a clean wipey to color. I as fascinated to see the children make art out of essentially trash like this. Improvised art. This is what it is to be creative, to see the art all around us. To open our minds to the possibilities. Today I got a reminder lesson on seeing art.
treadmill - not today - early seminary again
significant chore: I need to get the bulletin announcments ready for the March bulletin. Tonight is her deadline.
Exploraton opportunities: I'm still a little sluggish here. I need to keep my eyes open.
Field report: We painted in class today. We are studying the works of children's author Eric Carle. He has an interesting way of doing his illustrations by using collage. He creates sheets of painted paper that he uses for cutting out for his collages. In his studio he will spend a day or so painting up these papers, creatively adding swirls, scratches, splots and such. He then files these in drawers by color (Reds, blues, greens, etc....). Then when he wants to create a lady bug or spider, or such, he'll get the color papers he needs and cut and pastes away. (It's a little more complicated than cut and paste - you need to see the video).
We are going to do a bulletin board representing his work, so today we painted sheets of paper to give us the color pieces we need for next week's collage project.
The activity reminded me a little of that art work I had seen at the hospital, so it was fun to begin to play with it.
As we were cleaning up, one of the girls (my class artist) noticed that the colors on the clean up cloth looked quite artistic. So she decided to save the wipey and during free time mounted it on a background paper to make a new piece of artwork. Others copied her with their wipe up cloths. One boy, who wasn't part of the clean up crew, got a clean wipey to color. I as fascinated to see the children make art out of essentially trash like this. Improvised art. This is what it is to be creative, to see the art all around us. To open our minds to the possibilities. Today I got a reminder lesson on seeing art.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Back to Play around here - Field work: Day 8ish
It is 9:13 pm. Usually I start my report in the morning, setting goals and then write the fieldwork report in the evening before bed. But I need to get this going again, so I'm writing it all at night.
During the first 4 days or so of my fieldwork I was really enjoying myself. I hadn't felt so vibrant in a long time. Then the month and a half of my knee injury dragged me down.
I found the Exploration and Wreak the Journal books, so I'm ready to roll (for those new to this blog, you'll have to go to the early January posts to see what in the world I'm talking about).
So here goes;
Weight this morning: 216 (not bad in perspective, though I was actually down to 214 a couple days ago - but I'll get there again)
Treadmill - not today. Had early seminary pickup duty.
Significant Chore: Survive school and go to the LC center at Eisenhower hospital for a follow up scan on my thyroid ( I will not blog about this - old news, no big deal at this point)
Exploration Opportunities: I didn't think about it. I have been going through a depressive state - but I intend to turn that around by getting back to this project.
Fieldwork report: Yesterday when I was at the hospital for the first part of my testing, I noticed the artwork hanging in the waiting room. One painting caught my eye, but in time I realized the entire room and surrounding hallways was covered with the artwork of this one particular woman. They had vibrant colors, bold strokes and simple designs - but not at all childish. The artist explored and played with the medium - painting over clumped up sections of paper or tissue, scratching away paint to reveal colors or text hidden underneath. It was fascinating and inspiring work. Turns out the artist: Deborah Wyndham, or something like that, is the wife of the chief of Radiology there at the hospital (or something like that).
I made notes about a couple of the pieces that are now buried in my purse somewhere (including the correct spelling of the artist's name) At this point in time I haven't found anything about her on the Internet.
I was inspired again. Not only is art still drawing my attention - but the desire again to participate. I have this painting I did of a blue pot that I have been afraid to do anything with for fear I'll ruin it. But now I think I'll use some of the ideas I got from the paintings I studied at the hospital. Instead of the plain background, I'll move forward with some bold strokes and then go with my original idea for flowers that are inspired more by Picasso than nature. My initial intention was to play with color on canvass - so this returns me to my original plan.
So even though I started the day with no intention on creative exploration - I did keep my eyes and imagination open, so creativity found me.
I'm ready for a comeback.
During the first 4 days or so of my fieldwork I was really enjoying myself. I hadn't felt so vibrant in a long time. Then the month and a half of my knee injury dragged me down.
I found the Exploration and Wreak the Journal books, so I'm ready to roll (for those new to this blog, you'll have to go to the early January posts to see what in the world I'm talking about).
So here goes;
Weight this morning: 216 (not bad in perspective, though I was actually down to 214 a couple days ago - but I'll get there again)
Treadmill - not today. Had early seminary pickup duty.
Significant Chore: Survive school and go to the LC center at Eisenhower hospital for a follow up scan on my thyroid ( I will not blog about this - old news, no big deal at this point)
Exploration Opportunities: I didn't think about it. I have been going through a depressive state - but I intend to turn that around by getting back to this project.
Fieldwork report: Yesterday when I was at the hospital for the first part of my testing, I noticed the artwork hanging in the waiting room. One painting caught my eye, but in time I realized the entire room and surrounding hallways was covered with the artwork of this one particular woman. They had vibrant colors, bold strokes and simple designs - but not at all childish. The artist explored and played with the medium - painting over clumped up sections of paper or tissue, scratching away paint to reveal colors or text hidden underneath. It was fascinating and inspiring work. Turns out the artist: Deborah Wyndham, or something like that, is the wife of the chief of Radiology there at the hospital (or something like that).
I made notes about a couple of the pieces that are now buried in my purse somewhere (including the correct spelling of the artist's name) At this point in time I haven't found anything about her on the Internet.
I was inspired again. Not only is art still drawing my attention - but the desire again to participate. I have this painting I did of a blue pot that I have been afraid to do anything with for fear I'll ruin it. But now I think I'll use some of the ideas I got from the paintings I studied at the hospital. Instead of the plain background, I'll move forward with some bold strokes and then go with my original idea for flowers that are inspired more by Picasso than nature. My initial intention was to play with color on canvass - so this returns me to my original plan.
So even though I started the day with no intention on creative exploration - I did keep my eyes and imagination open, so creativity found me.
I'm ready for a comeback.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Lost
It's gone - Yippee!!!!
One pound - truely, finally gone!!!!!
Now I have lost more than one pound, but this has been that stubborn pound. That pound that has been blocking any further progress. The one I keep bouncing up from, but no more - it's gone -- I got under it!!!!!!
Others can fall off now until I hit that next plateau. But I have confidence now that I can beat each plateau as it comes. It's that first one that is the hardest! (for now)
One pound - truely, finally gone!!!!!
Now I have lost more than one pound, but this has been that stubborn pound. That pound that has been blocking any further progress. The one I keep bouncing up from, but no more - it's gone -- I got under it!!!!!!
Others can fall off now until I hit that next plateau. But I have confidence now that I can beat each plateau as it comes. It's that first one that is the hardest! (for now)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Lost in Reality
OK, this blog started with the intent of being a journal of exploration and discovery for this year. I quickly became sidelined by my injury and dove to the depths of self absorbed dispare. I am now walking again, though not entirely painfree. Apparently there is some nerve connected to my knee, that runs up my thigh into my lower back that is very sensitive these days. Sitting, driving and walking for long distances or high speed, will trigger the nerve pain and remind me that I am limited by this body's weaknesses in this life.
Every time I am sick or injured, I lay in bed frustrated about all the things I want to get done but can't. However, when I'm well, I am slow to tackle tasks that seemed so imperative. I've decided this leg injury is an attempt to motivate me to actually do things. I am in enough pain to feel the frustration of limitation; however I have significant bouts of comfort where I can get up and do what should be done. And it is working, I'm actually accomplishing a few things around here. Not everything, but some things.
I am also at a crossroads in my life, which often brings on a flurry of list making, planning, notetaking, research and general agonizing over what decision to make.
I aluded to in in the previous post.
My principal has just announced to us that he will be the principal at the new middle school, opening next year. A great career move for him, but it leaves a hole in our lives as we worry over who our new principal may be.
I wasn't too worried or concerned about that, but whenever change occurs I always reflect on what changes I might make in my life. And in this case I began to reflect on some of my original dreams and desires. See, my original major in school was theater, and I have always thought my favorite job would be to be a theater teacher - and as video became a reality, I embraced that possibility.
My credential will allow me to teach English at the middle school level, which is the doorway to teaching theater. I haven't done this in the past because the reality is that theater takes extra time, and as the mother of a big family, I didn't want to take any more time away from home. But my life has changed now. Kids are grown and relatively self sufficient and gone (gone being really relative).
I have made alot of decisions in my life based on what would work best for my family. I'm a teacher because I can have summers and holidays off with my kids. I pursued my masters bacause it moved me over on the salary scale, benefiting our family budget. I live in the neighborhood I do because I wanted my kids to have access to the particular schools in this area.
But I have come to a point in my life where the family doesn't need my sacrifices anymore. I can start doing my own thing. This is kind of a heady feeling.
So I'm pursing the idea of making a move. I think ideally I would like to develop a video production program at the high school. That idea gets me giddy with excitement. I'm not in the right place with my credential to do that yet - but making a move to the middle school into the English/Drama area puts me in a better place. I need to take some classes, upgrade my credential and get some experience on my resume. I need to be more active in current theater and making some films on my own time. One interesting development is that it looks like I'll need to take some art classes. Apparently Video production requires a designated subjects credential, but media production requires an Art credential. The district isn't sure which exact title they are going to give the program at the new high school, so I have to be ready to go either way. (yes, I said new high school - we have both a middle and high school opening up next year - my final destination would be the high school, I'm using the middle school as a stepping stone).
I talked with Dan and he is very interested in the possibilities. His original major was theater too.
So - I started this year with the intention of exploring my creative self and in only two months time the world of possibilities is opening up. I received a blessing at one point during my knee injury recovery and in the blessing I was told that I would come to understand what I am to do with my life. At the time I was contemplating something entirely different, but it is interesting how it has worked out.
This year is going to be an interesting adventure.
Every time I am sick or injured, I lay in bed frustrated about all the things I want to get done but can't. However, when I'm well, I am slow to tackle tasks that seemed so imperative. I've decided this leg injury is an attempt to motivate me to actually do things. I am in enough pain to feel the frustration of limitation; however I have significant bouts of comfort where I can get up and do what should be done. And it is working, I'm actually accomplishing a few things around here. Not everything, but some things.
I am also at a crossroads in my life, which often brings on a flurry of list making, planning, notetaking, research and general agonizing over what decision to make.
I aluded to in in the previous post.
My principal has just announced to us that he will be the principal at the new middle school, opening next year. A great career move for him, but it leaves a hole in our lives as we worry over who our new principal may be.
I wasn't too worried or concerned about that, but whenever change occurs I always reflect on what changes I might make in my life. And in this case I began to reflect on some of my original dreams and desires. See, my original major in school was theater, and I have always thought my favorite job would be to be a theater teacher - and as video became a reality, I embraced that possibility.
My credential will allow me to teach English at the middle school level, which is the doorway to teaching theater. I haven't done this in the past because the reality is that theater takes extra time, and as the mother of a big family, I didn't want to take any more time away from home. But my life has changed now. Kids are grown and relatively self sufficient and gone (gone being really relative).
I have made alot of decisions in my life based on what would work best for my family. I'm a teacher because I can have summers and holidays off with my kids. I pursued my masters bacause it moved me over on the salary scale, benefiting our family budget. I live in the neighborhood I do because I wanted my kids to have access to the particular schools in this area.
But I have come to a point in my life where the family doesn't need my sacrifices anymore. I can start doing my own thing. This is kind of a heady feeling.
So I'm pursing the idea of making a move. I think ideally I would like to develop a video production program at the high school. That idea gets me giddy with excitement. I'm not in the right place with my credential to do that yet - but making a move to the middle school into the English/Drama area puts me in a better place. I need to take some classes, upgrade my credential and get some experience on my resume. I need to be more active in current theater and making some films on my own time. One interesting development is that it looks like I'll need to take some art classes. Apparently Video production requires a designated subjects credential, but media production requires an Art credential. The district isn't sure which exact title they are going to give the program at the new high school, so I have to be ready to go either way. (yes, I said new high school - we have both a middle and high school opening up next year - my final destination would be the high school, I'm using the middle school as a stepping stone).
I talked with Dan and he is very interested in the possibilities. His original major was theater too.
So - I started this year with the intention of exploring my creative self and in only two months time the world of possibilities is opening up. I received a blessing at one point during my knee injury recovery and in the blessing I was told that I would come to understand what I am to do with my life. At the time I was contemplating something entirely different, but it is interesting how it has worked out.
This year is going to be an interesting adventure.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Turned the Corner
Something happened at Physical Therapy last Friday. I think we found the trigger point. After all my exercises my therapist spends a little time massaging my knee and leg - it is more like torturing my knee. He finds a tender spot and does some deep tissue massaging to try to get the area to loosen up. I usually appreciate it a day or two later, but at the time it is painful.
He decided to work on the top of the knee on Friday. All other areas seem to have loosened up and have no tenderness, but the top area of the knee has been particularly tight. He has sharp pointy fingers and found a really delicate area to work on. The next morning I found some bruises I can now tease him about. But wonder of wonder, miracles or miracles - I can walk without pain. I can move like there is no injury at all.
Friday night was the first night in forever, I was able to sleep with no pain waking me up in the middle of the night. I was able to drive to take care of a few errands on Saturday.
By Saturday night I was a bit stiff and achy again, but not nearly as bad as before. I need to continue to rub down that area of my knee to keep it loosened up, but I think we are on to something.
This is my last week of therapy before I go see the Doctor again. If I can make significant progress this week, I can avoid surgery. After the results of this last session, I am quite hopeful!
Then I can return to destroying my journal and exploring the world. (I lost the journal, will need to find it again -- loosing the journal was an assignment for later in the year, too soon now)
Oh - I am also on the trail of a possible career change (sort of), I'll reveal details when things are firmed up a little bit.
He decided to work on the top of the knee on Friday. All other areas seem to have loosened up and have no tenderness, but the top area of the knee has been particularly tight. He has sharp pointy fingers and found a really delicate area to work on. The next morning I found some bruises I can now tease him about. But wonder of wonder, miracles or miracles - I can walk without pain. I can move like there is no injury at all.
Friday night was the first night in forever, I was able to sleep with no pain waking me up in the middle of the night. I was able to drive to take care of a few errands on Saturday.
By Saturday night I was a bit stiff and achy again, but not nearly as bad as before. I need to continue to rub down that area of my knee to keep it loosened up, but I think we are on to something.
This is my last week of therapy before I go see the Doctor again. If I can make significant progress this week, I can avoid surgery. After the results of this last session, I am quite hopeful!
Then I can return to destroying my journal and exploring the world. (I lost the journal, will need to find it again -- loosing the journal was an assignment for later in the year, too soon now)
Oh - I am also on the trail of a possible career change (sort of), I'll reveal details when things are firmed up a little bit.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
checking in
Still in physical therapy. Some good days, some bad.
I went back to work this week. First couple of days were great, but then I started going down hill. By Friday, I was in some real pain. Then Friday afternoon the Physical Therapist hit a nerve in my leg that was particularly tender - had a rough night sleeping.
I find I can walk reasonably well, though if I over do I need to use my cane.
I cannot sit for any length of time - annoys a nerve in the back of my leg.
This also happens when I drive - so no driving for me for awhile. I can get to work and back (it's only a couple blocks away), but I need to curtail all other errands for awhile.
I had Ron take me to the grocery store tonight. Even sitting in the passenger sit was a little rough - until I figured out how to prop my leg up with my cane - that eased the pressure on the nerve.
I feel like I've taken two steps forward, and one step back.
2 more weeks of physical therapy, then they decide if I'm healing well enough not to need surgery.
I need to take good care of my self and do my homework stretchs - they do seem to help.
No more for now, sitting to write the entry has gotten too painful.
I went back to work this week. First couple of days were great, but then I started going down hill. By Friday, I was in some real pain. Then Friday afternoon the Physical Therapist hit a nerve in my leg that was particularly tender - had a rough night sleeping.
I find I can walk reasonably well, though if I over do I need to use my cane.
I cannot sit for any length of time - annoys a nerve in the back of my leg.
This also happens when I drive - so no driving for me for awhile. I can get to work and back (it's only a couple blocks away), but I need to curtail all other errands for awhile.
I had Ron take me to the grocery store tonight. Even sitting in the passenger sit was a little rough - until I figured out how to prop my leg up with my cane - that eased the pressure on the nerve.
I feel like I've taken two steps forward, and one step back.
2 more weeks of physical therapy, then they decide if I'm healing well enough not to need surgery.
I need to take good care of my self and do my homework stretchs - they do seem to help.
No more for now, sitting to write the entry has gotten too painful.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Coming off the cliff
Sorry Mo - the rest of the story....
Physical Therapy is both wonderful and brutal. I do feel better afterwards, but some of the treatments are quite painful. The therapist has taken to massaging one particular tendon that is very!!!! tight --- and that requires certified torture techniques.
First visit I felt great, second time around I felt awful (that is when the torture began).
I have homework stretches to do, that I am being good about doing. I am noticing an increased flexibility, but my sciatic nerve in the injured leg is competing for attention. So sometimes sitting or laying down is worse then the pain of standing and walking.
But I am able to go longer stretchs without serious pain or discomfort now.
My biggest problem is that I'll feel pretty good at the beginning of the day, but by the end of the day there is no relief. Yesterday I felt good enough to go out and run some errands with Ronni - but by the time we were done, I was regretting it. I couldn't sleep last night because of the pain.
With all of this I am still having to go into my classroom daily to set up for a sub - so I'm not totally goofing off.
I need to go back to work next week. I was worried about how I would handle the afternoons (figuring I could survive the morning), so I asked the PT about crutches. Turns out the school district has a policy not to allow teachers to work on crutches. Makes sense for insurance/liability reasons --- so he suggested a cane instead.
After today's treatment, I hobbled down to the medical supply place and picked up a pretty little cane. This thing is great!!! I can walk with no pain. I can walk even faster than I do on my own. I see this as a serious answer to some of my issues. I also bought a new heating pad, with is a nice change from the ice bag therapy -- almost feels like a spa in bed :).
I'll still have to be careful not to overdue, but I think things are going to work out. My leg is getting stronger, and flexibility is increasing. And this has only been one week of therapy. 3 more weeks of torture and I should be good as new (I hope).
(oh and I'm starting to lose weight -- after the injury I gained 7 lbs, I'm hoping mostly in water weight from the swelling. That is starting to subside)
Physical Therapy is both wonderful and brutal. I do feel better afterwards, but some of the treatments are quite painful. The therapist has taken to massaging one particular tendon that is very!!!! tight --- and that requires certified torture techniques.
First visit I felt great, second time around I felt awful (that is when the torture began).
I have homework stretches to do, that I am being good about doing. I am noticing an increased flexibility, but my sciatic nerve in the injured leg is competing for attention. So sometimes sitting or laying down is worse then the pain of standing and walking.
But I am able to go longer stretchs without serious pain or discomfort now.
My biggest problem is that I'll feel pretty good at the beginning of the day, but by the end of the day there is no relief. Yesterday I felt good enough to go out and run some errands with Ronni - but by the time we were done, I was regretting it. I couldn't sleep last night because of the pain.
With all of this I am still having to go into my classroom daily to set up for a sub - so I'm not totally goofing off.
I need to go back to work next week. I was worried about how I would handle the afternoons (figuring I could survive the morning), so I asked the PT about crutches. Turns out the school district has a policy not to allow teachers to work on crutches. Makes sense for insurance/liability reasons --- so he suggested a cane instead.
After today's treatment, I hobbled down to the medical supply place and picked up a pretty little cane. This thing is great!!! I can walk with no pain. I can walk even faster than I do on my own. I see this as a serious answer to some of my issues. I also bought a new heating pad, with is a nice change from the ice bag therapy -- almost feels like a spa in bed :).
I'll still have to be careful not to overdue, but I think things are going to work out. My leg is getting stronger, and flexibility is increasing. And this has only been one week of therapy. 3 more weeks of torture and I should be good as new (I hope).
(oh and I'm starting to lose weight -- after the injury I gained 7 lbs, I'm hoping mostly in water weight from the swelling. That is starting to subside)
Monday, January 12, 2009
Of track for awhile
Report from urgent care - something isn't right, but they can't tell for sure what. X-Rays look ok. Gave pain reliever and said followup with my own doctor. Hint of possible orthopedic care needed if this doesn't get better.
Rested rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, back to feeling better until I walk around some.
Report from my doctor on Monday afternoon: He thinks its a damaged miniscus (sp?). Prescibed an anti-inflammatory and physical therapy for a month. If it doesn't get better we will do an MRI and see if surgery is required.
This anti-inflamatory seems pretty good, but haven't walked too much to test it out. I start PT in the morning. Doc says with regular icing and sitting down when necessary I should be able to handle work (he doesn't know what a room full of 1st graders is like - sitting down, regular icing.... I don't think so! I have taken the week off. If the PT and medication make it tolerable, I'll be back to work next Tuesday).
Who would have ever thunk -- I get a sports injury from using the treadmill in the morning. I tell you, exercise is bad for you! Every famous athelet I know of has some bad things happen to their body -- the Olympics is full of it.
Mild exercise and light weights - that sounds like the route for me.
Rested rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, back to feeling better until I walk around some.
Report from my doctor on Monday afternoon: He thinks its a damaged miniscus (sp?). Prescibed an anti-inflammatory and physical therapy for a month. If it doesn't get better we will do an MRI and see if surgery is required.
This anti-inflamatory seems pretty good, but haven't walked too much to test it out. I start PT in the morning. Doc says with regular icing and sitting down when necessary I should be able to handle work (he doesn't know what a room full of 1st graders is like - sitting down, regular icing.... I don't think so! I have taken the week off. If the PT and medication make it tolerable, I'll be back to work next Tuesday).
Who would have ever thunk -- I get a sports injury from using the treadmill in the morning. I tell you, exercise is bad for you! Every famous athelet I know of has some bad things happen to their body -- the Olympics is full of it.
Mild exercise and light weights - that sounds like the route for me.
Friday, January 9, 2009
day seven
I was in a wheelchair at school today - helped some, but the pain now encompasses my entire leg. Mostly the upper muscle region. I made it home and now am in bed with ice. It used to be that resting or sitting revived me for awhile, but I am beyond that now. I'm resting at home tonight and planning to go into urgent care somewhere tomorrow AM. They have equipment to diagnose that my doctor does not have in his office. Stubborness isn't working, so I am resorting to those who practice medicine.
I'm greaful for a laptop with a DVD player. Movies in bed -I can handle that.
I'm greaful for a laptop with a DVD player. Movies in bed -I can handle that.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Fieldwork: Day 6
OK, this isn't funny --- my knee is still being a royal pain!
If I sit or lay down for awhile, the pain goes away and I have complete range of movement. But it doesn't take much walking or standing before it tightens up, and pinches in the back. I can't even bend it because of swelling. And it hurts!!!
Walking from my classroom to the car at the end of the day is torture. (I can make it to my classroom in the morning alright).
I'm thinking maybe I should see the chiropractor (spelling?) rather than the M.D. - however my M.D. is also training in sports medicine, so I think he may be familiar with this kind of thing. Shoot - gotta survive till Monday.
Can't think of doing anything else but basic survival chores right now.
If I sit or lay down for awhile, the pain goes away and I have complete range of movement. But it doesn't take much walking or standing before it tightens up, and pinches in the back. I can't even bend it because of swelling. And it hurts!!!
Walking from my classroom to the car at the end of the day is torture. (I can make it to my classroom in the morning alright).
I'm thinking maybe I should see the chiropractor (spelling?) rather than the M.D. - however my M.D. is also training in sports medicine, so I think he may be familiar with this kind of thing. Shoot - gotta survive till Monday.
Can't think of doing anything else but basic survival chores right now.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Fieldwork Day 5
Slept in - resting my knee,but it still hurts!
AM weight -220 (ok, I over did on seconds for dinner last night)
treadmill - no out of time, and don't want to aggravate my knee
significant chore: Nick's birthday - gotta make a cake
exploration: no specific plans (today is one of those survival days)
Fieldwork report: Today was quite painful. I count myself lucky to have just gotten through the day. I tried to visit the doctor after work, but had to make an appointment for next Monday after school. As a bit of good news, the battery charge on the car "took", so I had wheels today. I had Ronni make Nick's cake, and we just had leftovers for dinner. Nick was ok with that - and thanked me for the Director's chair frame I bought him.
My knee felt better after laying down and resting for awhile.
I guess my "reach out to the world" thing today was in phone calls. I received a phone call from an old friend who lives in Tennessee. I'd been thinking about her lately, so it was fun to hear her voice on the phone. She has a daughter that I want to introduce to my son -- but the reality of that happening we both know is slim. It was great to catch up and to know a good friend is doing fine in the world. Later in the evening I called my brother-in-law to wish him Happy Birthday. He is always fun to talk to. As a former radio host, he has a quick wit. We bantered a bit and my mood lifted.
I helped Ron chose a birthday gift for Nick (so it was kind of like giving Nick 2 things - except one is in Ron's name) Bought a birthday card for my Brother-in-law and a sympathy card for my sister-in-law (inside joke).
Wrecking the journal, not tonight. I've wrecked my knee enough - I don't want any more destruction right now. (though last night's page burning was rather interesting. I'll post a phote when I can find the camera and transfer cable.)
AM weight -220 (ok, I over did on seconds for dinner last night)
treadmill - no out of time, and don't want to aggravate my knee
significant chore: Nick's birthday - gotta make a cake
exploration: no specific plans (today is one of those survival days)
Fieldwork report: Today was quite painful. I count myself lucky to have just gotten through the day. I tried to visit the doctor after work, but had to make an appointment for next Monday after school. As a bit of good news, the battery charge on the car "took", so I had wheels today. I had Ronni make Nick's cake, and we just had leftovers for dinner. Nick was ok with that - and thanked me for the Director's chair frame I bought him.
My knee felt better after laying down and resting for awhile.
I guess my "reach out to the world" thing today was in phone calls. I received a phone call from an old friend who lives in Tennessee. I'd been thinking about her lately, so it was fun to hear her voice on the phone. She has a daughter that I want to introduce to my son -- but the reality of that happening we both know is slim. It was great to catch up and to know a good friend is doing fine in the world. Later in the evening I called my brother-in-law to wish him Happy Birthday. He is always fun to talk to. As a former radio host, he has a quick wit. We bantered a bit and my mood lifted.
I helped Ron chose a birthday gift for Nick (so it was kind of like giving Nick 2 things - except one is in Ron's name) Bought a birthday card for my Brother-in-law and a sympathy card for my sister-in-law (inside joke).
Wrecking the journal, not tonight. I've wrecked my knee enough - I don't want any more destruction right now. (though last night's page burning was rather interesting. I'll post a phote when I can find the camera and transfer cable.)
Monday, January 5, 2009
Fieldwork: Day 4
Wow, got up at 5 am today - and it wasn't hard. I've been feeling really happy this past week too - I'll have to be careful when the downswing comes so I don't let myself drop this progress.
AM weight 219 (a little discouraging, I have been doing better than this, this past month - but I've notice that I pick up a couple pounds when my knee is swollen,and it really hurts this morning)
Treadmill - 30 minutes (though not as fast because of the knee pain)
Significant chore - I need to get the sound on my computer at school hooked up to the speaker system. I have the cabling, just need to run it)
Exploration Opportunities: I'm planning on taking my camera with me to recess duty.
Fieldwork report: Today could be chalked up as one of those bad days. Car battery died, knee inflammed, and while the sound is now connected from computer to speakers - the web page we use refuses to show the video feed I need.
But I had it in my mind to walk home today anyway, so was mentally prepared for it (even though it further agravated my knee). I have a good supply of Advil, which works great for me. and I am hoping for the best on the video thing.
As I walked home I found a nearly round rock to add to my collection, and I had fun taking pictures of nature on the way. I tried taking pictures at recess, but the kids were quickly distracted and wanted to pose for me. I was hoping for more "candid" kind of stuff. In retrospect, I may have chosen to encourage posing just for the fun of it.
I didn't get to go to the store to buy bubbles, so I'll have to do that when the car situation is cleared up.
The battery is plugged into a charger tonight, so hopefully I'll have a vehicle tomorrow.
I'm suppose to burn a page in my journal tonight - good timing, I'm in the mood to destroy something!
AM weight 219 (a little discouraging, I have been doing better than this, this past month - but I've notice that I pick up a couple pounds when my knee is swollen,and it really hurts this morning)
Treadmill - 30 minutes (though not as fast because of the knee pain)
Significant chore - I need to get the sound on my computer at school hooked up to the speaker system. I have the cabling, just need to run it)
Exploration Opportunities: I'm planning on taking my camera with me to recess duty.
Fieldwork report: Today could be chalked up as one of those bad days. Car battery died, knee inflammed, and while the sound is now connected from computer to speakers - the web page we use refuses to show the video feed I need.
But I had it in my mind to walk home today anyway, so was mentally prepared for it (even though it further agravated my knee). I have a good supply of Advil, which works great for me. and I am hoping for the best on the video thing.
As I walked home I found a nearly round rock to add to my collection, and I had fun taking pictures of nature on the way. I tried taking pictures at recess, but the kids were quickly distracted and wanted to pose for me. I was hoping for more "candid" kind of stuff. In retrospect, I may have chosen to encourage posing just for the fun of it.
I didn't get to go to the store to buy bubbles, so I'll have to do that when the car situation is cleared up.
The battery is plugged into a charger tonight, so hopefully I'll have a vehicle tomorrow.
I'm suppose to burn a page in my journal tonight - good timing, I'm in the mood to destroy something!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Photos from today
OK, the limits of a point and shoot camera are evident here. The camera seems to be focused on the branches in the back and the leaf in the front is blurry. It has some nice veining that is being lost.
This medium range shot works for my camera - the veining on the bigger leaf is clear. I like how this shot fills the screen.
I tried to shot one of the plants in the house, but my camera's auto flash kicked in, washing the affect I was going for. Again the forward leaves are out of focus. I know there is a way to play with that on my camera, will have to study it some more.
I was going for a "magazine cover" kind of shot here. Flowers off to one side so type could be placed over the greenery. But alas, the pretty flowers are out of focus. The greenery in the back is what my camera tried to catch.
This was right outside my front door as I headed out to the library. God can really set up a dramatic shot!
Fieldwork: Day 3
Saturday - no pressing appointments or chores. I can waste it or spend wisely. I have a little to do list, but none of it is vital to be done.
AM weight: 219
Exercise: 30 minutes on the treadmill
Significant chore: Hmmm, I suppose I should do the grocery shopping today. And before that I should clean out the refrigerator. I want to go to the public library.
Creative Opportunity: I had another idea for a bubble drawing and some thoughts on photography - will share in my fieldwork report at the end of the day. The day is wide open, lets see what happens.
Fieldwork report: Got the chores done, but nothing on my to-do list. But that's ok. I was going to try drawing another bubble today, but the leaves on the grape vine outside my yard caught my attention instead. So I grabbed my camera and went outside to photograph them. Maybe that is another collection - photos of leaves. I do have some real leaves I collected previously. (I am already a collector). As I tried to go to the library, I photographed a few leaves in the front yard, but it's windy right now, so the branches were not too cooperative. (tried to go to the library - it was closed)
Thoughts on photography -- hmmm, what was I thinking...... I already mentioned my opinion that creative people seemed to use cameras alot. I had been thinking it might be fun to buy some bubbles and have my class blow them outside while I took pictures. It made me wish I had one of those cool cameras that could take pictures real fast. If I turn the autopreview off on my digital camera, it might go faster. I could also use my video camera instead, then pull off individual shots as I want. I was thinking I might find a good shot to be the basis of some drawings. I need some good pictures of bubbles to improve my own drawing. I was wondering if I could buy some thin tracing paper to trace elements of a photograph, then use that tracing as the foundation drawing for a larger piece of art. I'd like to be able to enlarge a photo before I trace it.
So for my exploring the world progress - I'm paying more attention to things around me, and I've given myself permission to use my camera more often - infact, I'm giving myself assignments to use the camera. That is a new direction for me - as I mentioned before, I have not been much of a picture taker. But I love looking at pictures. Cost and storage have been issues, but they aren't now.
Wrecking my journal - today I'm to leave a page deliberately blank. OK, done. Yawn.
Tomorrow is Sunday - so I take the day off from blogging. The next day will be Monday, January 5th. I'll be back to work in the classroom, so we'll see if I can get up early enough to write my prelude and do my treadmill.
It's been fun having time to play with exploring, but Monday will be when discipline will have to kick in. Can I rise above the routine of just getting through the day?
AM weight: 219
Exercise: 30 minutes on the treadmill
Significant chore: Hmmm, I suppose I should do the grocery shopping today. And before that I should clean out the refrigerator. I want to go to the public library.
Creative Opportunity: I had another idea for a bubble drawing and some thoughts on photography - will share in my fieldwork report at the end of the day. The day is wide open, lets see what happens.
Fieldwork report: Got the chores done, but nothing on my to-do list. But that's ok. I was going to try drawing another bubble today, but the leaves on the grape vine outside my yard caught my attention instead. So I grabbed my camera and went outside to photograph them. Maybe that is another collection - photos of leaves. I do have some real leaves I collected previously. (I am already a collector). As I tried to go to the library, I photographed a few leaves in the front yard, but it's windy right now, so the branches were not too cooperative. (tried to go to the library - it was closed)
Thoughts on photography -- hmmm, what was I thinking...... I already mentioned my opinion that creative people seemed to use cameras alot. I had been thinking it might be fun to buy some bubbles and have my class blow them outside while I took pictures. It made me wish I had one of those cool cameras that could take pictures real fast. If I turn the autopreview off on my digital camera, it might go faster. I could also use my video camera instead, then pull off individual shots as I want. I was thinking I might find a good shot to be the basis of some drawings. I need some good pictures of bubbles to improve my own drawing. I was wondering if I could buy some thin tracing paper to trace elements of a photograph, then use that tracing as the foundation drawing for a larger piece of art. I'd like to be able to enlarge a photo before I trace it.
So for my exploring the world progress - I'm paying more attention to things around me, and I've given myself permission to use my camera more often - infact, I'm giving myself assignments to use the camera. That is a new direction for me - as I mentioned before, I have not been much of a picture taker. But I love looking at pictures. Cost and storage have been issues, but they aren't now.
Wrecking my journal - today I'm to leave a page deliberately blank. OK, done. Yawn.
Tomorrow is Sunday - so I take the day off from blogging. The next day will be Monday, January 5th. I'll be back to work in the classroom, so we'll see if I can get up early enough to write my prelude and do my treadmill.
It's been fun having time to play with exploring, but Monday will be when discipline will have to kick in. Can I rise above the routine of just getting through the day?
Friday, January 2, 2009
An attempt to add photos
Lets see how this goes. If I'm doing it right - this is my bubble drawing:
Wow, that was easy!
Here is a close up to show some detail. I tried to add some rainbow effect in the bubble - it is very light.
I did the inital drawing in pencil, then went back in with colored pencil. I think to modify it I would go the original in color pencil as the black pencil is a little too dark. I would also add a few more mini bubbles on the bottom (Ron called it a wart- that is how he could tell it was bubbles and not balloons -- balloons would be a good sphere study too)
Just for fun, this is drawing I did a while back for a family drawing project. Ronni shared with us an art assignment from school, so we did it too. We were supposed to draw a picture of a shoe as if it were going to be animated. I had Pixar in mind.
Fieldwork: Day 2
I can feel the fear starting to creep in. I’ve exposed myself too much. I’m going to fail. This blog is too wordy, intellectual, silly, obscure for anyone else to enjoy (then if no one is reading, why should I fear?) I want to retreat. I usually do this, then quit moving forward. I’m worried that today will become a stumbling block. I have an eye appointment and will go work in my classroom so my day is pretty scheduled– this will be a good practice run for when school starts again. I realize I need to blossom in the environment I’m in – but the minutia of stuff I have to worry about there can sometimes be stifling. A classroom of young children – should be a stimulating place. I need to adjust my attitude, quit trying to control the flow of exploration – but go where it takes me. I have some ideas . (notes for fieldwork: camera, bubbles…) Gotta get ready for my eye appointment now.
Weight: 219
Exercise: Not this morning, no time
Significant chore: Eye exam and classroom preparation
Creativity opportunity: Do something different with classroom prep. Spice it up a bit.
Phew - the eye exam was a relief. I'm not going blind (a worry I hadn't expressed). It's only cataracts. But that is the subject of a different blog.
Today was interesting. I was thinking last night about my exploration of the world, the idea of collecting items of interest. I looked around my desk area and realized I had started a small collection that has caught my imagination. Balls, or more mathematically - spheres. Ok, so I only have 2 so far. A large marble that has been kicking around the house that I haven't wanted to throw away, and a little rubber ball. I thought of buying some pretty stone spheres, but realized that I need to let this collection happen naturally - found and free materials, not controlled and purchased. I decided to run with the idea of expressing spheres artistically. I decided I want to do some work on bubbles. I imagined a bubble picture as I was falling asleep. This afternoon when I got home, I drew it. I still have a way to go to learn to control the medium - but I'm very satisfied with my first effort. When my camera is cleared out, I'll photograph it and post it here.
My fieldwork notes say camera. I have noticed creative people use cameras alot. I'm not much of a picture taking person. Mostly I think because I grew up in an era when it cost money to develop film, and then I don't do much with pictures afterward. But I do have a digital camera now. I could photograph and create digitally at no expense and without concern for the environment (paper, developer chemicals, etc....). I want to try taking pictures of bubbles to help me in my drawing.
I was thinking about exploring at school while teaching. I have recess duty next week. I could move around the playgroud with my camera and see what happens. I won't be able to post pictures of children here, but I could create something for my museum exhibit. I may even find something that inspires some artwork.
Interesting - I thought I wanted to write, but it sounds more like I want to create art. I want to be more hands on and physical.
In setting up my classroom today, I was developing a math center for reviewing fact families. We have done this in past with little paper triangles. To kick it up a bit, I swung by the craft store on the way home from the eye doctor and bought a package of scrapbooking paper. So my students will be doing their assignment on brightly colored, textured triangles this time. Maybe I can take them and make something with it when they are done....
I was thinking about my desk space some more. It is a very fluid area. I straighten it, then dump more things on the table. I rearrange and shift as needed. This is a living space. Today, as I did my bubble drawing, I had to rearrange some lamps so the shadows would not obscure my work. Right now my desk lamp is the the only light in this dark room. Very cozy.
As far as the Explore the World book - I haven't read anything new today. I am savoring and exploring the ideas I have already read up to now. I'm letting them expand a little in my mind.
Wrecking the Journal -- Assignment - break the spine of the book. Well I've done that before, over the course of reading books in bed. This was not particularly liberating or exciting. I folded back my recording journal - but as a paper back book, the spine is pretty resilent. Same with the purchased book. In my recording journal there is now one middle page the book automatically falls open to now. I marked that page: This is where the broken spine opens up to and dated it today. I don't know what page number it is yet, cause I haven't numbered that far yet.
I am surprised that today worked out fine. I'm not so worried (I know I was really scared about the eye thing). I'm feeling a little freer to be me. I can do this.
Weight: 219
Exercise: Not this morning, no time
Significant chore: Eye exam and classroom preparation
Creativity opportunity: Do something different with classroom prep. Spice it up a bit.
Phew - the eye exam was a relief. I'm not going blind (a worry I hadn't expressed). It's only cataracts. But that is the subject of a different blog.
Today was interesting. I was thinking last night about my exploration of the world, the idea of collecting items of interest. I looked around my desk area and realized I had started a small collection that has caught my imagination. Balls, or more mathematically - spheres. Ok, so I only have 2 so far. A large marble that has been kicking around the house that I haven't wanted to throw away, and a little rubber ball. I thought of buying some pretty stone spheres, but realized that I need to let this collection happen naturally - found and free materials, not controlled and purchased. I decided to run with the idea of expressing spheres artistically. I decided I want to do some work on bubbles. I imagined a bubble picture as I was falling asleep. This afternoon when I got home, I drew it. I still have a way to go to learn to control the medium - but I'm very satisfied with my first effort. When my camera is cleared out, I'll photograph it and post it here.
My fieldwork notes say camera. I have noticed creative people use cameras alot. I'm not much of a picture taking person. Mostly I think because I grew up in an era when it cost money to develop film, and then I don't do much with pictures afterward. But I do have a digital camera now. I could photograph and create digitally at no expense and without concern for the environment (paper, developer chemicals, etc....). I want to try taking pictures of bubbles to help me in my drawing.
I was thinking about exploring at school while teaching. I have recess duty next week. I could move around the playgroud with my camera and see what happens. I won't be able to post pictures of children here, but I could create something for my museum exhibit. I may even find something that inspires some artwork.
Interesting - I thought I wanted to write, but it sounds more like I want to create art. I want to be more hands on and physical.
In setting up my classroom today, I was developing a math center for reviewing fact families. We have done this in past with little paper triangles. To kick it up a bit, I swung by the craft store on the way home from the eye doctor and bought a package of scrapbooking paper. So my students will be doing their assignment on brightly colored, textured triangles this time. Maybe I can take them and make something with it when they are done....
I was thinking about my desk space some more. It is a very fluid area. I straighten it, then dump more things on the table. I rearrange and shift as needed. This is a living space. Today, as I did my bubble drawing, I had to rearrange some lamps so the shadows would not obscure my work. Right now my desk lamp is the the only light in this dark room. Very cozy.
As far as the Explore the World book - I haven't read anything new today. I am savoring and exploring the ideas I have already read up to now. I'm letting them expand a little in my mind.
Wrecking the Journal -- Assignment - break the spine of the book. Well I've done that before, over the course of reading books in bed. This was not particularly liberating or exciting. I folded back my recording journal - but as a paper back book, the spine is pretty resilent. Same with the purchased book. In my recording journal there is now one middle page the book automatically falls open to now. I marked that page: This is where the broken spine opens up to and dated it today. I don't know what page number it is yet, cause I haven't numbered that far yet.
I am surprised that today worked out fine. I'm not so worried (I know I was really scared about the eye thing). I'm feeling a little freer to be me. I can do this.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Fieldwork: Day 1
Already feel succesful this morning. I've exercised, submitted a recipe to a contest and ate a healthy breakfast. Today is vitally important as I will establish the format for my daily blog posts. I vascillated on what information I should include, but I've decided to bare all and keep myself honest.
AM Weight: 220
Exercise: 30 minutes on treadmill and mild stretches afterward.
Significant chore: Put away Christmas decorations
Creativity goal: Start destroying a journal and exploring the world!!
End of the day report--
Wow, this has been a good day. Christmas put away, napped, got some good planning and organizing done, make progress on my church calling and put some positive social activities on my calendar. I even have time now for a personal movie in bed. I'm feeling good about who I am today.
Fieldwork notes:
Wrecking the Journal - well today's assignment was rather administrative. Number pages of the book. Now that did present somewhat of a creative challenge. Regular books are numbered on each side of the page, but this book is going to require me to tear out, burn and othewise destroy some pages, which will mean the whole leaf - not just one side. So I made the decision to number the leaves. I went ahead and numbered them in the book I bought, along with the journal I will actually work in. At this point, I numbered only up to 20. It occured to me that the book isn't written to be an "activity a day" kind of thing, so I may run out of things to do by the end of the year. I'll take Sundays off, and allow occasional holidays as I wish. I may even make up a few destructive activities on my own. It seems strange to talk about distruction as a creative process. I'll mull that over somemore and when I do my first destructive deed I'll share some of what has come to mind. Planning for destruction seems like an oxymoron, but has some interesting implications for progress and improvement.
Exploring the world: There is alot of beginning instruction in the book for this. There is an emphasis on collecting random things, things that catch your fancy -- I already do this, but now have justification -- I'm exploring. My challenge will be on how to store and explore the materials. There was one page with some ideas for tools to use, I marked it with a sticky arrow. Here again, the book is not set up as an activity a day, so my mind is free to expand on the project. Already I think I would like to take a collection or two and use them as inspiration for painting projects. I want to learn to paint, I have started a painting, but I need some justification for this. Maybe justification isn't the right word -- I need, a starting point, a purpose, a theme to work in... that is closer to what I mean. I can work on a collection, explore it on canvas with paint. That'll accomplish exploration and expression together. I like that idea (came up with it right now).
Today's book activity was to do a quick write about where I was sitting. I realized that everything I am interested in is right in my little corner. It is very crowded, but comfortable for me. I am constantly organizing and adjusting it - it is like it is alive for me. I feel productive here, creative, satisfied. I do have to be careful though. I can spend so much time working here, that my muscles become stiff. My bad knee needs me to walk around sometimes. Maybe I need a timer for occasional marathon sessions. I did realize I have alot of lamps here. I have a desk lamp, a lamp on the night stand next to me. A gooseneck lamp, also on the nightstand (has a cool dimmer switch), and a clip on booklight. Not to mention the candle sitting on the desktop drawer unit. I have two lights on right now. I like the way the lights cast shadows. It is not overly bright, but bright enough for my work. The room behind me is dim. This kind of feels like a little stage area. A little cricket just started chirping quietly. Sounds like a background sound effect. This is my happy space, my personal place.
AM Weight: 220
Exercise: 30 minutes on treadmill and mild stretches afterward.
Significant chore: Put away Christmas decorations
Creativity goal: Start destroying a journal and exploring the world!!
End of the day report--
Wow, this has been a good day. Christmas put away, napped, got some good planning and organizing done, make progress on my church calling and put some positive social activities on my calendar. I even have time now for a personal movie in bed. I'm feeling good about who I am today.
Fieldwork notes:
Wrecking the Journal - well today's assignment was rather administrative. Number pages of the book. Now that did present somewhat of a creative challenge. Regular books are numbered on each side of the page, but this book is going to require me to tear out, burn and othewise destroy some pages, which will mean the whole leaf - not just one side. So I made the decision to number the leaves. I went ahead and numbered them in the book I bought, along with the journal I will actually work in. At this point, I numbered only up to 20. It occured to me that the book isn't written to be an "activity a day" kind of thing, so I may run out of things to do by the end of the year. I'll take Sundays off, and allow occasional holidays as I wish. I may even make up a few destructive activities on my own. It seems strange to talk about distruction as a creative process. I'll mull that over somemore and when I do my first destructive deed I'll share some of what has come to mind. Planning for destruction seems like an oxymoron, but has some interesting implications for progress and improvement.
Exploring the world: There is alot of beginning instruction in the book for this. There is an emphasis on collecting random things, things that catch your fancy -- I already do this, but now have justification -- I'm exploring. My challenge will be on how to store and explore the materials. There was one page with some ideas for tools to use, I marked it with a sticky arrow. Here again, the book is not set up as an activity a day, so my mind is free to expand on the project. Already I think I would like to take a collection or two and use them as inspiration for painting projects. I want to learn to paint, I have started a painting, but I need some justification for this. Maybe justification isn't the right word -- I need, a starting point, a purpose, a theme to work in... that is closer to what I mean. I can work on a collection, explore it on canvas with paint. That'll accomplish exploration and expression together. I like that idea (came up with it right now).
Today's book activity was to do a quick write about where I was sitting. I realized that everything I am interested in is right in my little corner. It is very crowded, but comfortable for me. I am constantly organizing and adjusting it - it is like it is alive for me. I feel productive here, creative, satisfied. I do have to be careful though. I can spend so much time working here, that my muscles become stiff. My bad knee needs me to walk around sometimes. Maybe I need a timer for occasional marathon sessions. I did realize I have alot of lamps here. I have a desk lamp, a lamp on the night stand next to me. A gooseneck lamp, also on the nightstand (has a cool dimmer switch), and a clip on booklight. Not to mention the candle sitting on the desktop drawer unit. I have two lights on right now. I like the way the lights cast shadows. It is not overly bright, but bright enough for my work. The room behind me is dim. This kind of feels like a little stage area. A little cricket just started chirping quietly. Sounds like a background sound effect. This is my happy space, my personal place.
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