Oh my gosh - the scale said 215 this morning.
That was after breakfast, and it's not even fast Sunday!!
I've been too weary to do the treadmill all week, though I did put in 30 minutes Saturday morning.
Report:
Last Monday and Tuesday nights I stayed up late looking up Theater information. I ordered my stage make up book from college (my copy had been lent out and never returned). I check out Ben Nye's new line of make up (almost ordered a student kit, but resisted)
I checked out plays going on this summer in surrounding areas, I also checked out the Desert Theater League organization.
I stayed awake late thinking about getting back into theater. It has been a while since something like this has stirred me.
So consequently 2 mornings in a row, I was exhausted and my legs hurt (??) I had to nap after school for a couple days and sleep in on Saturday in order to recover. I've been resisting looking up more theater information for awhile. I need to wait for the 3 day weekend.
In the meantime, my make up book has been shipped and should show up any day now..........
I know the gal who was hired to be the new drama teacher at the new high school. I'm thinking of contacting her and volunteering so I can get my hand back in the pie.
Ohhhhhh, do I really need one my thing on my plate?????
In other news, I rearranged my living room. It now looks like a living room. I have a seating area and a dining area. The furniture is early college student "make do", but it is progress. When Todd finally picks up his stuff (warning: It goes to DI in the fall if not rescued), I plan to buy my own real grown up furniture. It's kind of nice to see how the furniture fits in the room, so as I plan my purchases I know my limitations. I am looking for a nice dining table first! David you don't need to be embarressed to bring friends over to our house anymore. We will look civilized soon.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
oh no! not publicly publishing the number I saw this morning on the scale!
what is going on??????
No treadmill this morning - slept in a couple of moments before getting ready for seminary pickup.
I'm babysitting in seminary tomorrow, so no treadmill again.
I'm afraid to see what the scale is going to show.
report: The kids were pretty wild today. I was on the edge trying to keep them under control all day. Tomorrow is going to be kind of crazy as we finish up some final projects for mother's day.
I'm at the point where I am starting to reflect on what I want to do differently next year. Problem is I don't know where I will be next year. We got the news this morning that we expect to downsize by 6 teachers next year - so I may well be put in another grade level, or even still possibly be picked up for the new middle school. I guess that will help me not spend too much time this summer planning for school. I'll actually get a vacation.
My projects on the list so far: My health, my house, family history book project for Christmas, and finish some of the projects that have been sitting here undone for years. Oh and 2 weeks of travel overseas. That should keep me busy for 10 weeks.
what is going on??????
No treadmill this morning - slept in a couple of moments before getting ready for seminary pickup.
I'm babysitting in seminary tomorrow, so no treadmill again.
I'm afraid to see what the scale is going to show.
report: The kids were pretty wild today. I was on the edge trying to keep them under control all day. Tomorrow is going to be kind of crazy as we finish up some final projects for mother's day.
I'm at the point where I am starting to reflect on what I want to do differently next year. Problem is I don't know where I will be next year. We got the news this morning that we expect to downsize by 6 teachers next year - so I may well be put in another grade level, or even still possibly be picked up for the new middle school. I guess that will help me not spend too much time this summer planning for school. I'll actually get a vacation.
My projects on the list so far: My health, my house, family history book project for Christmas, and finish some of the projects that have been sitting here undone for years. Oh and 2 weeks of travel overseas. That should keep me busy for 10 weeks.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
set back and intrigue
arghhhh!
219 this morning
(shouldn't have had that extra serving of Jambalya, or maybe it was the strawberry shortcake --- no no no, it's gotta be a hormonal flux, beginning of the month and all, arghhh!)
But good on the treadmill. 30 minutes this morning and an additional 30 after school
(can't do it tomorrow morning, I have seminary pickup duty)
A set back, but I don't feel like its a set back -- so no backsliding yet.... (don't say yet, bad precident)
Report: Something interesting has come up at work at the last minute today. I can't go into all the details, but it has to do with a group of somewhat disident (sp?) teachers who are putting together a complaint to the superintendent about their feelings that a hostile environment exists at the school site. I don't know what they are experiencing, but they are going about it in a cloak and dagger kind of way, but there was a leak of information -- so now a suspicious hostility has been created causing some hard feelings and devisivness. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. Sometimes the adults are worse than the kids.
219 this morning
(shouldn't have had that extra serving of Jambalya, or maybe it was the strawberry shortcake --- no no no, it's gotta be a hormonal flux, beginning of the month and all, arghhh!)
But good on the treadmill. 30 minutes this morning and an additional 30 after school
(can't do it tomorrow morning, I have seminary pickup duty)
A set back, but I don't feel like its a set back -- so no backsliding yet.... (don't say yet, bad precident)
Report: Something interesting has come up at work at the last minute today. I can't go into all the details, but it has to do with a group of somewhat disident (sp?) teachers who are putting together a complaint to the superintendent about their feelings that a hostile environment exists at the school site. I don't know what they are experiencing, but they are going about it in a cloak and dagger kind of way, but there was a leak of information -- so now a suspicious hostility has been created causing some hard feelings and devisivness. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. Sometimes the adults are worse than the kids.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Reflection on a crisis
weight this morning 216 - yeah!!!
(I saw 215 after fasting this Sunday :D )
Treadmill - did 25 minutes, I started late and had to end a touch early so I wouldn't be late for work.
I did do the treadmill for 40 minutes and yardwork yesterday - so got a good workout.
Today's report - a reflection.
I've been feeling rather conflicted lately. Lost, confused, not sure what I want to do with myself, not sure why I feel like I have to do anything with myself. I feel a drive to make something happen, but don't know what.
I've felt a stab of jealousy toward my daughter??!! That surprised me!
I'm extremely greatful we have a terrific relationship. And what's more she has said so too.
I feel a need for a change of some kind.
After several days (weeks?)of this it dawned on me that I am having a mid-life crisis. It's the kind of feeling alot of young people have after graduating high school. Not sure what to do next, how to do it, etc.... I was lucky after high school. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how to go about it. I moved along pretty well until my Junior year of college. That is when I freaked and realized I wasn't going in the right direction and had to pause to think about things. I went back home and got married - which defined my life for the next 30 years.
So it's been 30 years and the last baby is almost grown. Now what?
I can't quit my job - I'm too close to a great retirement package. I can't leave the area for the same reason. I don't really want to start anything big and new right now, I'm so overwhelmed and busy as it is.
I have been feeling unaccomplished.
So I did what I usually do when conflicting feelings get to me - I made some lists.
I listed skills I have - like cooking, sewing, teaching, etc... I came up with a satisfactory list. I realized that there are a lot of things I can do, that I just don't do for whatever reason.
I then connected these things together under some specific personal goals - like getting my appearance and health where I want them to be. I realized I have the skills to do that.
I also realized that I have a couple very clear wants that I can begin working on right now.
I like the idea of working on something that will have tangible, permanent and final results.
The problem with being a homemake, teacher, mother, etc.... is that the job is never done. The bulk of my days have been spent doing the same tasks over and over again, with the results being hard to see (even in teaching - the kids leave for the next grade and I get a new batch. I don't get to see long term the affects of my efforts).
It was liberating somewhat to see that there are some specific things I really want to accomplish, and that I have the talents/skills to work on them. For the sake of full disclosure the 4 main desires I came up with are:
1. I want to improve my health and appearance
2. I want to improve the appearance of my home.
3. I want to make a contribution to society.
4. I want a creative outlet to express myself.
I added to the bottom of my skills and can do list, things that I would like to learn to do. I can see clearly that most of those are in the creative expression area. I guess I feel a real need for a creative outlet. Not surprising as this was one of the original goals of this blog for this year. I'm also starting to see a 5th desire I need to add to the list.
5. I want to interact socially more with those around me.
As I googled female midlife crisis, it appears that there are alot of women who redefine or reinvent themselves at this time (I like the word "reinvent" - feels like a fun challenge). I think my reinvention will come in how I finally decide to make my contribution to society (yes, yes, I know that teaching is a contribution - but it's my job. I am ready for an altruistic contribution, of sorts). I'm not ready yet to announce what that passion will be yet. In the meantime I am comfortable with working on my body and home (and social outreach).
So I'm really not doing anything terribly new, but I feel like I have some sense of direction now.
I still have a busy schedule, but as retirement moves closer I can consider moving into phase 2 which will include meeting more of desires 3 and 4. I can think of it as lower division and upper division goals. Like getting a college degree. I will get a Masters in being Me.
(I saw 215 after fasting this Sunday :D )
Treadmill - did 25 minutes, I started late and had to end a touch early so I wouldn't be late for work.
I did do the treadmill for 40 minutes and yardwork yesterday - so got a good workout.
Today's report - a reflection.
I've been feeling rather conflicted lately. Lost, confused, not sure what I want to do with myself, not sure why I feel like I have to do anything with myself. I feel a drive to make something happen, but don't know what.
I've felt a stab of jealousy toward my daughter??!! That surprised me!
I'm extremely greatful we have a terrific relationship. And what's more she has said so too.
I feel a need for a change of some kind.
After several days (weeks?)of this it dawned on me that I am having a mid-life crisis. It's the kind of feeling alot of young people have after graduating high school. Not sure what to do next, how to do it, etc.... I was lucky after high school. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how to go about it. I moved along pretty well until my Junior year of college. That is when I freaked and realized I wasn't going in the right direction and had to pause to think about things. I went back home and got married - which defined my life for the next 30 years.
So it's been 30 years and the last baby is almost grown. Now what?
I can't quit my job - I'm too close to a great retirement package. I can't leave the area for the same reason. I don't really want to start anything big and new right now, I'm so overwhelmed and busy as it is.
I have been feeling unaccomplished.
So I did what I usually do when conflicting feelings get to me - I made some lists.
I listed skills I have - like cooking, sewing, teaching, etc... I came up with a satisfactory list. I realized that there are a lot of things I can do, that I just don't do for whatever reason.
I then connected these things together under some specific personal goals - like getting my appearance and health where I want them to be. I realized I have the skills to do that.
I also realized that I have a couple very clear wants that I can begin working on right now.
I like the idea of working on something that will have tangible, permanent and final results.
The problem with being a homemake, teacher, mother, etc.... is that the job is never done. The bulk of my days have been spent doing the same tasks over and over again, with the results being hard to see (even in teaching - the kids leave for the next grade and I get a new batch. I don't get to see long term the affects of my efforts).
It was liberating somewhat to see that there are some specific things I really want to accomplish, and that I have the talents/skills to work on them. For the sake of full disclosure the 4 main desires I came up with are:
1. I want to improve my health and appearance
2. I want to improve the appearance of my home.
3. I want to make a contribution to society.
4. I want a creative outlet to express myself.
I added to the bottom of my skills and can do list, things that I would like to learn to do. I can see clearly that most of those are in the creative expression area. I guess I feel a real need for a creative outlet. Not surprising as this was one of the original goals of this blog for this year. I'm also starting to see a 5th desire I need to add to the list.
5. I want to interact socially more with those around me.
As I googled female midlife crisis, it appears that there are alot of women who redefine or reinvent themselves at this time (I like the word "reinvent" - feels like a fun challenge). I think my reinvention will come in how I finally decide to make my contribution to society (yes, yes, I know that teaching is a contribution - but it's my job. I am ready for an altruistic contribution, of sorts). I'm not ready yet to announce what that passion will be yet. In the meantime I am comfortable with working on my body and home (and social outreach).
So I'm really not doing anything terribly new, but I feel like I have some sense of direction now.
I still have a busy schedule, but as retirement moves closer I can consider moving into phase 2 which will include meeting more of desires 3 and 4. I can think of it as lower division and upper division goals. Like getting a college degree. I will get a Masters in being Me.
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